Thanks Sabine! I enjoyed every word.
Eh. It's no "California Gurls".
@cherrispryte The app thingy isn't even for iPhone, just iPad. I would have bought it otherwise! :(
@The Lady of Shalott Was I the only one who found the filles de roi one both fascinating (she marries her best friend's dad!) and disturbing (she marries her best friend's dad?). I mean, props for historical accuracy, but boy was I not expecting that.
@catsuperhero You're the best. Thanks for writing your novel. :)
@karion Nice response. Jane's flippant introduction (not everyone is bicoastal chic, darling, but they're learning fast) had my hackles up, but I read the piece and it's just great.
@Nutellaface Hopefully it works out for you guys. Word of advice: eventually the medication potency tapers off, so be diligent and keep in regular touch with the doctors/therapists, etc.
@catsuperhero THANK YOU. My spouse has a similar mindset but can't express it as eloquently.
As the other person, what else can I do? I hate nagging all the time, but honestly it's not nagging if the apartment's about to cave in from the accumulated weight of the junk. I did all the work myself when we unofficially cohabited, but I can't do that indefinitely and I now have my own place to keep in order. (Note: mine could be tidier too, but it's about a 17/100 on the filth scale whereas his is probably 81/100. In 30 minutes I can make it look amazing. His place takes more like 30 days.)
P is on meds but they don't seem to make much of a difference once the work day is over. I've suggested a THOUSAND times to set another appointment; hell, I'll set it, send reminders, and drag him to the clinic myself if I have to, but no-go. I'm at my wit's end.
It is just so frustrating seeing someone that I care about and otherwise build a life with torpedo his daily existence. We're in a financial and life position where I've given up a few opportunities to "make it work," but at this point things have to get drastically better or I'll walk away soon.
Thank you for your perspective.
@v=ir I'm not sure some of the commenters here are aware just how maddening dealing with an ADHD spouse's cleanliness issues can be.
We're not talking, like, a couple of dust bunnies and a cluttered table.
My person lived in a hovel-like den of blankets, clothes, toys, books, partially dissembled electronics (SO MANY, MY GOD, FUCKING JUNK THEM ALREADY), cabin equipment, receipts for ten years of unfiled taxes, don't touch those damn receipts, it's crucial they remain wadded along the bottom of the couch, car parts, salvaged wood for a construction project, an old mattress the dog pissed on, usually a month's worth of takeout wrappers because the sink had stopped working two months ago and fixing it would require making a simple call and noting the repair time, which for some reason is impossible to arrange so let's go into overdraft to buy takeout and pretend we're washing the dishes in the tub while they rot.
It's not just "let's hire a maid to ensure the mirrors gleam and the floor is spotless." Some ADHD adults literally cannot get motivated or focus enough to put the cap back on the toothpaste.
OP - sorry if I'm projecting, but I've dealt with it, and it is hell. Do NOT feel guilty for making him get his act together.
@aphrabean I read through 1, 4, and 5* as: "Holy shit. Did he just crawl into my mind?" Clearly I have some... food for thought.
*2 started off as frivolous but really hit home at the end. The advice he gave 3 was sound, but it's not really an issue that personally related.