@Pocket Witch Lol. My mom's a doc, and I grew up listening to her ask if people had pooped today during dinner.
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) What's to handle! Just enjoy it. Do you like this fellow? Or would your rather keep him at arm's distance? Either is fine, but if it's the former, some action might be in order from you.
@HereComesTheMetricSystem Oh my god! Are people actually doing that? That is terrible.
If they're your close friends, I suggest saying something pretty bald-faced and honest. "I appreciate that you may feel like you are saying the things you are saying out of love, but they feel very hurtful to me. Please don't make comments about what I eat." or even more succinct "Please don't make comments about what I eat." If the comments/body language are more subtle, and therefore less easy to address, I might try just having a conversation about it more generally. "I have put on weight. It doesn't bother me, but people's reactions have felt hurtful. I may or may not change my diet some day, but today is not that day. I would rather focus on my mental health right now, and I hope you can support me in that goal."
Myself, I would probably take a more humourous/sarcastic route and say something like "Is this ok to eat? It doesn't seem poisoned, and man is it delicious. And, of course, I have to maintain my figure. You don't get tits like these without a lot of work!"
In terms of mantras, I find it helpful to think about the fact that, if I let that stuff get to me, I'm basically letting the patriarchy dictate how I feel about myself. That usually sorts me out right quick.
@Gulf of Finland So sorry about that that is terrible. Barf.
@skeedaddle MAJOR lulz at "does tumblr allow x-rate content?".
Oh god, I'm working on accepting the fact that I'll never be the type of woman who shaves her legs. It's so awful! How do you do it! I've just embraced being very hairy. It's winter.
@daisicles I'm working on accepting that Zappos doesn't ship to Canada, despite having my favourite boots that fell apart this fall on sale for $100.
@RNL I mean I guess I do, or at least participate. But I'm not sure we should. My philosophy is generally "invite everyone" because hurt feelings are awful.
@Regina Phalange Can I ask if you abstain from all sex acts and activity?
This is so interesting to me. I'm in a sexual relationship. I'm wondering what I would do if I met someone who had your boundaries who was wonderful. It would be hard for me, because sex is so important to me and my sexual self is SUCH an important part of who I am and I love expressing and exploring that in a loving relationship. I don't think I could marry someone without knowing a bit about their sexual self and vice versa, like I couldn't marry someone without knowing their thoughts and feelings about family.
None of which is helpful to you - I really don't mean to be hurtful. I'm just thinking.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose This is an interesting conundrum!
I have taken to inviting men to all the traditionally "lady-only" things I throw, because 1) men should go to baby showers because of course they should 2) if you don't invite men to lesbian wedding-related parties, there will be no men involved ever, which feels mean to the male friends and brothers and also icky 3) I feel so weird at straight bachelorettes when I'm closer to the dude than the lady but I have to party with her instead of him.
But if you don't employ arbitrary gender binaries, then it's hard to draw lines around social gatherings. Is it socially ok to just say "only these people are invited and no more"? I guess it depends on your group. I do have a group of four friends who bonded at a professional training thing - I'm the lone female. We sometimes have "bring your SO" events, and I bring my male partner and they bring their female partners (who are now my friends). Sometimes it's just us.
But the REAL reason it's just us is that one of the lady partners is not our favourite. She's a downer, basically. So the "No SO" rules is basically a "No Her" rule disguised. As it seems that the LW kind of wants that too. I wonder if this lady SO was super awesome, she would be having this problem.
And so then the question is: do you get to make social rules that are just ways of excluding people you don't really like? I guess so, maybe, but I wouldn't.
Here's the ticket! Don't worry if things are not warm. Room temperature things are fine. They really are, especially with hot gravy over top.
Here's another ticket, which may be too late for this person: Ask people to bring things! Things like potatoes and other sides. Then make them use their casseroles to take leftovers home.
Finally, make a schedule. Like this one, above, but I would say the Glutton's is a bit over-simplistic and doesn't account for a lot of fiddly things that experienced hosts can just roll with. Write a bit long list of everything that needs to get accomplished by 5:00 Turkey day, and then work backwards from there.
YOU WILL BE GREAT. Smile. Have fun. Pink champagne will solve everything.
I leave this with you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foA0MGUbYH0