@Emby Why do some men get so nervous when women cry? They turn into hummingbirds, all hovery and afraid to touch you in case it makes things worse, occasionally swooping in to pat you briefly on the shoulder.
@milkbreath My dad was great at that! Also, Lump In The Bed, in which my sister and I would hide in my parents' bed, and he'd attempt to make it, and then wonder what all of these lumps in the bed were. So he would say "get down, lump!" while lightly swatting us with a pillow or pushing us out of the way.
(For bonus hilarity, know that my father is a libertarian civil servant who just looks like Nick Offerman plus fifteen or twenty years, so imagine Ron Swanson trying to make his bed around shrieking toddlers and it'll probably be pretty accurate.)
@milkbreath my dad used to play 'The Get Game' where he would come home from work and put on nylon track pants (ha, the 80's) and crawl around the house on all fours while we ran in front of him and shrieked. He did this so much and got to be so fast that he burnt holes in the knees of multiple pairs of pants.
I like to have Turkish coffee with my croissants and chuckle at my own brilliant wit.
("What did you have for breakfast today, Countess?" "Oh, the Ottoman Empire.")
@iheartoxytocin I find tall men intimidating and trying to figure out kissing, holding hands, and all that fun stuff sounds like too much trouble. I quite like not having to stretch my 5'4" self to kiss my 5'5" man. Lazy, I has it.
Oh, though I rarely wear heels but when I do, I like to pretend that I am Godzilla and he is the city of Tokyo. Fear the giant girlfriend, little man!