I Want to Believe: Discovering the Inner Scully

I’m twenty-five. Twenty-five is a big deal, right? I mean, I’ve thought about this. Twenty-five is when your early twenties end. Twenty-five is when you really have to start thinking about calling yourself not a “girl” but a “woman,” regardless of what the women on “Girls” say. Twenty-five is when you should, essentially, have your twenties figured out, as a decade, or something. I think. READ MORE

Excerpts from Vanilla Ice’s Wikipedia Page, Offered Without Comment

1. Van Winkle married Laura Giaritta in 1997; they have two daughters, Dusti Rain (born 1998) and KeeLee Breeze (born 2000). Van Winkle is a Juggalo and a vegetarian. READ MORE

Seven Days

Who can blame you for wanting freakishly long eyelashes? Surely clicking on this link means you are far more realistic than those who look at the pages displayed beside it: the ones about being a grandmother who looks 27 while working from home and clicker-training a rescue dog. You are at peace with yourself. You want to be you — you, but with freakish lashes. READ MORE

Morgan Fairchild Facts

1. When she was six months old, Morgan Fairchild was the sole survivor of a plane crash that killed both her parents and left her stranded in Greenland, where she was nursed back to health by a family of Arctic foxes. When Morgan departed for Hollywood, the foxes sacrificed their lives to provide her with a fur coat. READ MORE

Making Little Cakes With Martha Washington

There are very few pages in Martha Washington’s Booke of Cookery that fail to yield something utterly delightful. Take, for example, recipe 196, which tantalizingly promises to show the reader how “To Keepe Neats Tongues & Dry Them.” Neats’ tongues are now known — far more dully — as beef tongues, but their 18th-century name, as well as the ambiguity of the word “keep,” conjures (for me at least) the mental image of a beleaguered Virginia woman straining to prevent a host of rambunctious tongues from escaping a pickle barrel. Cannonfire sounds in nearby Chesapeake. Once she deals with the tongues, the woman decides, she will spoil herself a little, war be damned. She will make the most restorative decoction she knows of, which is, of course, number 285: “Cock Water.” The recipe calls for the hapless cook to “Take A red cock & pull it alive, and whip it till it be dead allmoste. then cut him in 4 quarters while he is alive, & drayn him well from bloud with A cloth.” On second thought, maybe she will content herself with “Little Cakes.” READ MORE

Your 2013 Baby Name Guide: Puritan Edition, Part Two

1. Revolt Morcock

2. Pleasant Dadd

3. Hew-agag-in-pieces-before-the-Lord Robinson

4. Constant Wood

5. Meek Brewer

6. Flie-fornication Andrewes

7. Small-hope Biggs

8. Free-gift Pilkington

9. Smite-them-hip-and-thigh Smith

10. Increased Helley

11. More-fruit Stone

12. Weep Not Billing

13. Wait-awhile Makepeace

14. Meek Beaver 

15. Diewell Sykes

16. America Sparrow

17. Faint Not Wines

18. Bigod Eggleston

19. Tryal Pore

20. Desire Minter

21. Sea-mercy Adams

22. Preserved Bullock

23. Safety-on-high Snat

24. Elected Mitchell

25. Renewed Wisberry

26. Constant Semer

27. Be-Thankful London

28. Standfast-on-high Stringer

29. Suretrust Rouse

30. Centurion Lucas

31. Handmaid Johnson

32. Deliverance Wilton

33. Help-on-high Foxe

34. Swear-not-at-all Ireton

35. Accepted Trevor

36. Silence Carew

37. Graceful Harding

38. God-reward Smart

39. Just Houlding

40. Changed Collins

41. Rejoice Lord

42. Welthiana Bryan

43. Recompense Mills

44. Mercye Bike

45. Obadiah-bind-their-kings-in-chains-and-their-nobles-in-irons Needham

Previously: Puritan Edition, Part One. 

Sarah Marshall is a graduate student living in Portland, Oregon.

Unreleased Celebrity Fragrances

27th Precinct by Jerry Orbach: Notes of pepperoni and shoe polish on an instant coffee base. Leathery, minimal, and cost-effective, this fragrance feels like a big, crusty hug, and is perfect for those stressful mornings when you don’t want to get out of bed. READ MORE

Your 2012 Baby Name Guide: U.S. Senators Edition

1. Hall Lusk

2. B.B. Comer

3. Mike Gravel

4. Outerbridge Horsey

5. Lawton Chiles

6. Wilson Lumpkin

7. Clyde Herring

8. Bourke Hickenlooper

9. Preston Plumb

10.Buckner Thruston

11. Rush Holt

12. Mike Crapo

13. Malcolm Wallop

14. John Coit Spooner

15. Happy Chandler

16. Homer T. Bone 

17. Littleton Tazewell

18. Reed Smoot

19. Felix Grundy

20. Kirtland I. Perky

21. Dale Bumpers

22. William Gibbs McAdoo

23. Spessard Holland

24. Saxby Chambliss

25. Waitman Willey

26. Dixie Bibb Graves

27. Benjamin Ruggles

28. Atlee Pomerene

29. Lewis Bogy

30. Trusten Polk

31. Xenophon Wilfley

32. Moses Clapp

33. Styles Bridges

34. Ether Shepley

35. Tasker Oddie

36. Alan Bible

37. Algernon Paddock

38. Hernando Money

39. Theodore Bilbo

40. Hiram Rhodes Revels

41. Person Colby Cheney

42. Asle Gronna

43. Furnifold Simmons

44. Zebulon Vance

45. Philander Knox

Previously: The 1947 Wellesley Bulletin Edition.

Sarah Marshall is a graduate student living in Portland, Oregon.

Your 2012 Baby Name Guide: The 1947 Wellesley Bulletin Edition

1. Palfrey Perkins

2. Elizabeth Kimball Kendall

3. Carol Corn

4. Helen Joy Sleeper

5. Virginia Onderdonk

6. Seal Thompson

7. Joan Bopp

8. Marcia Bready Jacobs

9. Helen Virginia Booze

10. Marie Rahr Haffenreffer

11. Vida Dutton Scutter

12. Olive Dutcher Doggett

13. Myrtilla Avery

14. Antoinette Brigham Putnam Metcalf 

15. Mabel Minerva Young

16. Louise Pettibone Smith

17. Judith Blow Williams

18. Florence Rockwood Kluckhohn

19. Helen Meredith Mustard

20. Babette Samelson Whipple

21. Carol Scott Scott

22. Mary Elizabeth Buttfield

23. Anne Cracker Eagles

24. Elizabeth Poole Hall

25. Content Douglas Morse

26. Ainferr Toulba

27. Rosanne Livingston Truckenbrod

28. Barron Blewett

29. Chorale Mayo Cook

30. Rose Wind

Previously: Baseball Edition.

Sarah Marshall is a graduate student living in Portland, Oregon.

Beyond Clarice: Underrated Horror Heroines

I love October because, for thirty-one days, I am allowed to watch all the horror movies I want without anyone thinking I’m deranged. (I also like cider.) Granted, I pretty much watch all the horror movies I want during the rest of the calendar year, but it’s a little harder to start a conversation with a colleague by saying, “What did you do this weekend? I had a little Carpenter marathon and watched The Fog and The Thing. Yeah, alone, in my own room. You know the part in The Thing where the thing takes over the huskies, and that huge weird mouth thing bursts out of one of them? Did you know that was made out of dog tongues, and the crew called it the ‘flesh flower’? Isn’t that cool? So… how was that Bon Iver concert, anyway?” READ MORE