So I don't identify with being an elder virgin... but I do identify with a couple of the things you said, Eliot. Like, I would love to skip the unstable time of a relationship and go straight to the balanced stuff. The honeymoon period has amazing ups but the downs are so unsettling for me.
Also, I guess I think of myself as averagely sexual, but I worried that I was losing much of my sexuality when I was single for a few years. I really wanted to be in a relationship, and I did a lot of online dating to meet guys, but I just found I wasn't attracted to many of them. Sleeping around isn't my thing either, but I wasn't even attracted to them even mildly. I wondered (this sounds snobby but I really wasn't!) at the time if this was something to do with having difficulty finding guys I clicked with in general - all the guys who seemed intelligent didn't seem very interested in an intelligent girl.
On Dog Shadow
Oh, puppy! I'm so sorry Kira, that is all so hard. A friend's dog passed away last year and I told her 9 year old daughter that it was ok to feel sad because my own dog passed away 10 years ago and all our family STILL miss her.
also, fuck enforced optimism. It's fine to feel good and focus on good things, but pretending everything is fine when it's not is not good for you. let out the bad feelings.
One of the first artists my now-partner played the first time he invited me over to his house was Alien Sex Fiend. Literally could not make out to that - he changed the music when he realised it was a bit awkward.
@thisisunclear At first I was like hey not sure if I would be into that, but I'm all for more singles events! And then I got to the bit where the teacher reminded everyone about being single and then made everyone list songs and in my mind I was screaming and running out the door. Dear God. Yoga is where you go to relax, not to ... god.
Honestly, the more I read these interviews with virgins, the gladder I am that I have been sexually active from a youngish age. I am way too anxious of a person to have been dealing with this stuff into my early or late 20s. Not that I had everything worked out, just that I actually think the messiness of relationships was a lot easier and a lot more fun than if I had still been working out whether or not to have any kind of sex with someone.
@Minx Whatmore reading this over, there are so many other reasons why I love my boyfriend and want to be married to him! but I was afraid to write too much in case it sounded like a red flag!
@Blousey Brown and others - I had to comment because you are all making me feel better. I have a string of exes who didn't want to commit to ME and then got married / met love of their life in the year after. (I am a little jellus of people who preen themselves on how they have deadbeat exes who have sad, sad lives. I haven't ever wanted to get back with any of my exes, but they're all doing perfectly fine and it's a tad irritating because you can't be smugger than your smug ex.) I think there is something to the 'taxi light' or 'switch flick' theory. Also that you help them get through their fear and then they're ok for the next woman.
Man, I guess I am just so in sympathy with LW2. I see a little of my own relationship with this (situation is not exactly the same). I'm not desperate for the wedding part of things - I'd just like to be married to my guy, because I love him and it's the best relationship we've ever had for both of us. There is so much snippy resentment of women for wanting to be married these days. I don't think it's actually too much to ask that someone who says they always want to be with you, that they do something (loving) with you that represents that. It's like saying I want to be with you, but in case I change my mind I would like to feel not quite that committed, thanks, and I will probably change my mind at some point.
@discocammata meeeeee toooooooo. Relationshapes come baaaaack
@emilshuffhausen this year I got a valentine's day email on a dating website from a guy who began the message with 'Dear [Myname] Dear Amber'... it was a totally juiceboxy message about how valentine's day is consumerist crap that he had just sent to 'Amber' and copied and pasted to me. I replied and said he should check his messages more carefully if he was gonna go the copy and paste route.
@iceberg my god guys, I just have to say my 2c.
atipofthehat, fair enough to have your opinion but I have to agree with some of the others: it was a harsh comment and a bit dismissive of others' experience. sure you found it too sentimental, I just read it, I didn't. and I found the other quote you posted to be pretty overwrought. YMMV. no it's not perfect but jesus what is.