Six months sober today, Hairpin. I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far sans booze, but in retrospect, it seems like it's been a lot easier than it actually has. I've picked up some new hobbies, including getting better video games and the guitar, as well as lifting more weights. So, oddly, breaking up with booze has apparently turned me into a teenage boy? Whatever, it's better than what I was turning into before. Cheers.
@fondue with cheddar He's now living in Montana, and his newest album cover is set here. I know he's trying to look like a cowboy, but he looks more like a homeless wizard. I hate him so so much.
Sobriety Update: Five months as of Wednesday. I'm noticing subtle differences in my body and my mind, as in, I can remember words and conversations and board trains of thought for days at a time. It still sucks not being able to be drunk with my friends (especially at weddings) but I'm stubborn about it now.
Wow. I thought sexism might be the case from the yelling + comment to your coworker combo. It's a classic pairing.
I think you are completely right to continue being blunt. Blunt + no raising your own voice whatsoever + never saying anything that you would not be okay having quoted back at you later. I.e. nothing that is not overtly cooperative/work-related. It takes a lot of poise, but it will be satisfying because you will be the more professional & competent person and others around you will see it.
If it goes on long enough, he'll probably even get to a point where he respects you, i.e. there are "those women" and then there is "downtowngirl" and you are a sort of token exception. That sucks too, but at least it is a little more livable than the previous situation. But to get basic respect from him, I do think you have to continue to push back and continue to stand firm in your conversations. You could also request him to stop yelling, e.g. "Of course I'll do x. Hey, your voice is raised, no need to do that, okay. [smile]. I'm getting to work on it now." I.e. smiling after very direct comments to bring them into the register of "friendliness," and continuing to react to him in a normal business framework *even if* he leaves that -- he shouldn't be able to get you out of that mode/tone.
I used to use this technique for sexual harassment all the time (i.e. pretending obliviousness and just cueing the other person over and over again to return to a normal business framework), and it works better than anything else I've ever tried. I think of it as a kind of sumo wrestling -- no way you are going to get me to react in a way that moves this out of the realm of professional work-hours responses! Getting no reaction from you makes it less interesting for them, plus they can save face which is important since he's your boss (ugh). And you regain a little control of the situation yourself. Sorry that this is happening.
Yeah, but what did you start calling yourself after he left you for some floozy stewardess thirty-eight years later?
@dtowngirl "Hahaha, you think that's YOUR vagina? That's STAN'S vagina, and don't you forget it, Mrs. Stan."
Sobriety update: I was the only non-hungover person at the office today.
Everyone, please just be well and not hurt and not otherwise scarred. Please just be OK by some reasonable definition of that word.
Boston. Oh no. I hope you and yours are safe.