leon.saintjean
@LeonStj (aka username at gmail dot com) is just some dude who figures it's time to make an effort to listen to what the ladies have to say after a decade of nonstop Hemmingway and Roth and all of the other G.M.N.s, even if I still am one in some of my writing.
On Never-Complainers, Workaholics, and the Balding-and-Manly
@b3k - It's totally a negative in your early 20s. I was mostly bald by like, 24? Something like that. I remember when I realized my hair was thinning - it was shoulder length at the time, and I got really drunk one day and listened to Pavement's "Cut Your Hair", and "Hair" from "Hair" and a bunch of stuff like that. And then I got it cut really short.
By 26 a beautiful woman I had a huge crush on said "You need to just shave that. Let's go to the barber right now. Tell them #2."
I was terrified - it's so weird / scary losing hair, and having people make jokes is terrible. But I did what she told me and...]
...and I mean, it's noticeable when you're young. I stopped wearing hats, as mentioned too many times before, because I'd be talking to a lady, take the hat off, and....you'd see it in her eyes, them darting to my bald dome, then the corners of the lips turn down a bit. That sadness was the worst.
But of course, not all of them. Some ladies like dudes skinny and hipstery in painted on jeans, some like big ol' bears, some like super-abs and some dudes can rock the full Gandolfini and still rock it. I've found that as I approached, and finally hit 30, the number of single ladies who give a fuck about my lack of hair has been decreasing, but it still happens sometimes. To each their own, I guess?
But also, bald dude's friends will make fun of him. If not for bald, then for something. I don't know how lady-friends work, but dude friends bust each others' chops constantly, about everything, even when it hurts. Then sometimes we get drunk and say "Yo, Tony, cut that fucking shit out." And Tony says "Don't be such a baby about it, I'm never gonna cut it out!" - cuz that's how we act. But secretly, he does cut it out, cuz he feels bad about hurting his friends feelings. Dudes are weird.
9
On Absolute Transparency, or Love in the Time of Google
This was a lovely piece! Hopefully a shitty dude didn't ruin the oyster bar in Williamsburg for you - if it was the same one as the one in the picture (I feel so wack that I can recognize a bar by the dish in which they serve their mignonette) it is a place that tools don't deserve to go - I've actually ruled it out for first dates, even though it's lovely, because I don't want to sully the fun I have there with someone I haven't yet found out whether or not I have chemistry.
Someone who writes like this will surely be revisiting that charming place with someone more deserving of affection.
6
On "The outlandish drama began at about 8 p.m." ...
Is it really a "she suddenly freaked out" scenario when someone is in the process of ripping their clothes off, affixing ducttape to their naked body, and injuring bar customers? That really just seems like "then she escalated her already bat-shit crazy freak out".
12
On The Post-Meal Half-Hour Rule
@TheBourneApproximation Flouride, a foreign substance, is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works.
3
On Or, if You Live Elsewhere, on Your Dogsled?
@Decca - Completely! I think the biggest reason I cannot, never, ever, never ever never switch over to a kindle/nook/ipad is that I'm 99% certain "I don't know what caught my eye - it must have been that he was reading...." is what the old lady next to old-Leon will say in our taped interview for the 2054 remake of "When Harry Met Sally".
7
On Graphing Lust, Infatuation, and Attachment
sometimes you see a thing and you're like, "oh, so that is what 'good use of the internet and new technologies for artistic purposes looks like'".
3
On Staring Into the Sun
@ms. alex - I just googled, and apparently we won't get a total solar eclipse in the northeastern part of the US until August, 2017. This is a real fucking bummer.
1
On Friday Open Thread
@likethestore - Don't sweat it. As I began my late 20s, I had like, six months of "work experience" that did not being involve a hungover substitute teacher or putting hot tar onto highways in the summer sun, I never paid any bills on time, and I never knew if I'd have a paycheck by the time rent was due.
I've just started my 30s, and my apartment still sucks, but now it contains a nice stereo, lots of books, no angry landlord, beautiful memories, and like, 8-10 kinds of cheese. I have a 401k and a career, not just a job.
It wasn't because of some grand revelation or all new plan or anything. I just kept grinding out one day after the other, and one day I realized I'd kind of fallen into living an adult life which maybe wasn't the one I wanted for myself, but was one which honestly did make me feel good about the world.
Keep your chin up, and your whatever body part it's supposed to be in the old idiom to the grindstone. Life has a way of working itself out.
And happy birthday! Celebrate. Never forget that it's important to celebrate.
13
On We May Never Know the Toll of the Double Ponytail
Kind of bummed, thought this was going to be about emu children.
5
On Never-Complainers, Workaholics, and the Balding-and-Manly
@stuffisthings - "Slightly younger/taller George Costanza" is basically what I'm always going for.
....and, then I made the mistake of looking at wikipedia to see how old Costanza was when the show started, and realized he was the same age in Season 1 as I am now. This is going to be the Summer of George.