On Is Enya Feminist Enough?

But her music makes me want to stick ice picks in my ears. It is the in-no-way relaxing soundtrack to cheap bikini waxes everywhere.

Posted on December 18, 2013 at 11:40 am 0

On Befriending Your Best Friend's Girlfriend and Resisting the "One True Sex Act"

Creating an arbitrary separation between friends and friends' SOs seems so strange to me. Are your friends allowed to bring friends but not allowed to bring SOs? Are male friends allowed to be in this group? Has anyone specifically articulated these rules or are they mainly in your head?

It's possible your friend just never realized that is the specific expectation. I may be this person (i mean, not anymore because one of us has to watch the kid), but my thought has always been "Yay! going out!" I will bring friends, husband, go alone, why would anyone care?

Posted on December 4, 2013 at 1:19 pm 0

On When Friends Have Babies

Oh yeah and the crying thing is hormones, not brain restructuring. It lasts a week or maybe 2.

Posted on October 23, 2013 at 12:50 pm 10

On When Friends Have Babies

Will you be disappointed if your insides aren't "rearranged by a tiny powerful stranger"? Aside from finding other babies slightly more appealing I don't think I'm much different than I was before I had a baby. Also it sounds like the "chasm" was/is mostly in your head. This happened a few times to me too. Child-free friends thought I wouldn't want to do the same (silly/fun/irresponsible) things as before because maybe I'd not be into them any more.

Posted on October 23, 2013 at 12:41 pm 5

On One-Piece Think Piece

Why is it my responsibility to signal that I'm not an object by wearing some specific kind of clothing?

Posted on August 21, 2013 at 11:25 am 13

On Friday Open Thread

@coolallison Your boss is a dick, yo.

Posted on August 16, 2013 at 4:25 pm 1

On Friday Open Thread

I started a new job and it is OK so far. Everyone is nice and they are paying me lots of money (like seriously, A LOT). Also it is very near my house, which is nice because my old job was not at all. BUT. The company has worse accounts and is less organized and generally a bit less good and cool than my old company and I have feelings about that. Anyway, reassure me? Talk about how you have had weird feelings about jobs and then it was all good?

Posted on August 16, 2013 at 4:01 pm 0

On "I don’t want her to wear her good nature like a gemstone, her body like an ornament"

@commanderbanana I guess I don't believe in mystical senses. A lot of what children and adults react to with reserve and silence can be bad social skills and "otherness", whether the person trying to interact with them is themselves an uncomfortable introvert or perhaps foreign, or non-neurotypical. I think a child can respond with friendly politeness and not be a passive abuse case waiting to happen. The key is learning acceptable behaviour and boundaries and knowing how to express and defend herself when behaviour really crosses a line. I know so many fearful adult women who miss out on so much of life.

Posted on August 5, 2013 at 2:49 pm 2

On "I don’t want her to wear her good nature like a gemstone, her body like an ornament"

@commanderbanana See, I actually read this (the first one) on someone else's recommendation and I HATED it. I thought there were some good tips about verbalizing discomfort, but in general I think it was overly cautious. I don't want a fearful kid. I want a brave yet sensible kid.

Posted on August 5, 2013 at 2:23 pm 1

On "I don’t want her to wear her good nature like a gemstone, her body like an ornament"

I think being nice as a default is an excellent approach to life. I want to raise my daughter to be a person people like to be around, and likeability and the ability to initiate and respond to smalltalk are really important life skills that I have seen people suffer for the lack of. I do think it's vital to have a finely honed skeeve/bullshit/someone is taking advantage of you detector. I am at a bit of a loss as to how to instill this ability. By example in the time she's with me?

Posted on August 5, 2013 at 11:53 am 3