My boyfriend didn't realize for almost three years that whenever we went out to eat, I was putting the lemon from my water in his water because why the FUCK would you ruin my water with lemon???? He just thought restaurants must be really going all out with the lemons. So I guess mine would be lemon related.

Also I don't NEEEEEED to get my own drink! I only want a SIP of yours! Stop being unreasonable!

Posted on November 19, 2014 at 4:16 pm 3

On Dads: Occasionally Adorable, Not The Worst

oh man, I needed this! Today has seriously been the goddamn pits but d'awwwww!

Posted on September 3, 2014 at 3:32 pm 0

On An Introductory Journey Through Blake Lively's Lifestyle Website

"Get it off that heatlet! Get it off!"

how long do we think it'll take before Blake Lively pounces on Gwenyth Paltrow and begins wearing her like a Goop-tastic skin suit?

Posted on July 22, 2014 at 12:16 pm 2

On Future Romantic Adaptations of Classic Literature

Romantic Waiting For Nothing starring Robert Pattinson as the vagrant and Anne Hathaway as the plucky, nymph-like prostitute who saves him from poverty with the power of her love and they ride the rails holding hands into the sunset!

Possible tagline?: Not even the Great Depression could stop the Greatest Romance.

Posted on January 17, 2014 at 4:35 pm 0

On A Thing You Should Probably Read If You Use the NuvaRing

I'm kind of excited that I don't have to freak out since I literally JUST stopped using this. I didn't really have side effects, but my migraines started getting worse (which is the whole reason I can't take regular pills and had to switch to Nuva in the first place) so I figured it was time to go the IUD route.

Posted on December 12, 2013 at 12:28 pm 0

On The Hungover Airport Struggle

so I love this and Lady Puns and then i was like "haha chicago! i live there! i will go to his website!" and then his website told me that he designed something for the place i work at and then I went into my work chat program and plugged his name in and apparently he's my coworker. the more you know!!

Posted on November 22, 2013 at 1:43 pm 2

On These Are the SNL Breaks

@j-i-a Awwwwwww cinnamon and gravy!

Posted on July 26, 2013 at 2:27 pm 0

On Boyfriends' Mothers, "Compassion," and Les Misérables

@Diana Word.

Posted on January 25, 2013 at 3:51 pm 2

On Selective Empathy and "An Outlet for Maternal Feelings"

@ColdFinger No no no! The Big Lebowski and bourbon are fine! we're referring to this special snowflake: http://thehairpin.com/2011/06/exhausting-women-sexual-latecomers-and-peck-peck-peck-dart-out

Posted on January 4, 2013 at 1:55 pm 1

On A Video Response to the BIC for Her Pen

Are you currently accepting applications for "Best Friend"??

Posted on November 20, 2012 at 8:35 am 6