On How to Remember Father's Day

My dad was the other guy, of sorts. He didn't have cancer, but had been ill as a Type 1 diabetic for my entire life. My earliest memory is of him being taken out of the house into an ambulance after he'd fallen into a diabetic coma. Over the years, I learned how to turn over and go back to sleep when I heard the refrigerator door open in the middle of the night, knowing it was my mom getting out the emergency kit to save him. I learned how to avoid telling my friends that my dad was in the hospital again, or on dialysis that night, because it was such a constant in my life that to have to deal with questions, or worst of all with sympathy, would break down the wall I'd constructed at a very young age to deal with it. I learned to have faith in medical professionals, to see them as these sort of magic fairy godmothers who would heal my dad. And so when I got the call from my mom that this time my dad wasn't going to make it, I didn't believe her. I still didn't believe it when I was there, wearing the gloves and the protective clothing. I think I believed it on the last day, when we didn't put on the gloves because it didn't matter anymore. I was 29 years old and my dad was dead, and it seemed impossible. Now people I meet ask me about my parents and I tell them my dad has passed away and they say I'm sorry and I say it's fine, not because it is or will ever be but because there are no words to express the reality of it, and you don't know that until it happens to you.

Posted on June 14, 2013 at 3:11 pm 5

On Friday Open Thread

@Megano! Thanks for the support! It's really helpful.

Posted on September 3, 2012 at 2:50 pm 0

On Friday Open Thread

@Megano! I do have some nice toys, thanks to a friend who finally pushed me into an adult store a few years ago. I have no idea how to translate that to another living, breathing person, though!

I know one of my problems is that I really don't allow myself to even think of men as romantic possibilities. I went through all of my high school/college/law school years making overtures and being rejected, sometimes really cruelly, and at some point I just decided to shut down. I haven't even noticed whether a guy is cute or not in years, because in my thinking they're not going to be interested in me anyway, so why risk embarrassment by even considering it? So I guess I need to try to re-train my brain.

Posted on September 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm 0

On Friday Open Thread

I'm a virgin in my mid-thirties with pretty much no sexual experience - I did kiss a guy once but that was when I was 19 and it hasn't happened since. I've had a few first dates via OK Cupid in the past few years, but nothing has gone anywhere, and right now I've kind of given up. Honestly, my inexperience is what's keeping me from dating now because I know I'm not ready for sex but I also know that men my age expect it when dating. I'm also afraid that if I do find someone I feel comfortable enough to have sex with that my inexperience will cause them to run away.

I know objectively that I'm an awesome catch. I'm educated, I have a stable professional job, I own my own house, I travel frequently, I have lots of great friends, I'm involved in volunteer activities and am always up for trying out new things (last week I did a beginner kayak clinic which was awesome). But at the same time I feel like a freak. I cannot imagine anyone ever being attracted to me or loving me romantically. Sometimes I think my emotional development is stuck at age 12. I started noticing boys then. The problem is that they never noticed me. I've been to therapy and have talked about this issue, but really haven't been able to find any answers. I guess I'm just at a loss. If I never find anyone, what was my life even for? How can I accept myself when I know there's something deeply wrong with me?

Posted on September 3, 2012 at 12:37 pm 0

On Interview With a Lapsed Christian Virgin

@orangeyouglad I'm that special unicorn, a virgin in her 30s. I'm not religious at all, I've just never been in a relationship and I'm not really interested in one-night stands so it hasn't happened for me. My friends don't make me feel awkward about it, but I still have the feeling that I'm not normal. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I may (possibly even likely will) never have sex, but it's difficult.

Posted on August 22, 2012 at 3:45 pm 3

On Really Good Books About the Sea Being Terrible

A Voyage for Madmen! I am totally obsessed with that book and the Donald Crowhurst story. You should watch the movie Deep Water, too, if you can find it.

Posted on June 5, 2012 at 1:38 pm 0

On How to Write a Resume, Part One: Practices to Avoid

@Alixana At this point in your career you should go with experience first. Having said that, I was looking at Yale's resume guides earlier and they put education first for even experienced attorneys - I guess if you went to Yale you would want to highlight that, though!

Posted on March 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm 1

On How to Write a Resume, Part One: Practices to Avoid

@Alixana I wouldn't leave a time gap. I think in your case it is probably O.K. to go to two pages - I would just make sure that the most important information is on the first page so if the employer ends up only skimming the first page they still get the info you want them to see.

@stonefruit Definitely. I advise a lot of straight from undergrad law students, though, and there is no need for two pages with them!

Posted on March 1, 2012 at 5:13 pm 0

On How to Write a Resume, Part One: Practices to Avoid

I'm a law school career counselor, and though I think most of this is good advice, I disagree on the bullet points. Most legal resume guides advise using bullets, and I think they help guide the eye through the resume. Employers tell us they like seeing three or four bullet points under a job, and they strongly prefer a one page resume. Also, unless you're actually in high school, please do not list high school jobs and activities, especially on your law school resume.

Posted on March 1, 2012 at 4:33 pm 3

On Scandals of Classic Hollywood: The Unspoken Tragedy of Natalie Wood

@Yankee Peach Ha ha, it sounds like we had the same mom. I grew up knowing one definitive fact about Robert Wagner, and that was that he killed Natalie Wood.

Posted on January 11, 2012 at 2:51 pm 1