I've been struggling with this so much lately. After spending my teendom referring to a person as "one of my best friends," adult me realized I like having a network of soul sisters better than a single "best friend." I do, however, have a friend who uses those words to describe our friendship. Because I love her desperately, this never felt like a problem until the past few years. I am now married, with a overly full-time job and family and friends spread all over the world. It is a wonderful life, but I admit that time feels fleeting and precious.
In this new chapter, my friend is starting to feel cast aside, completely fair as I haven't been able to devote as much time to our friendship as I once did. I want to be supportive of these feelings, but they come out in ways that make it difficult to be sympathetic - most notably, becoming competitive with my spouse, my friends and my family (including my mom). I'm beginning to resent her for demanding so much of my time, which I know logically isn't fair because we haven't talked about any of this. Has anyone had a friendship like this? Any advice to offer?
@pixieg agreed! For the first time I am super let down by the Hairpin. Way to build a safe space and then blow the door off. There is a difference between tough love and pointing and laughing at people.
@JessicaLovejoy I did the same thing. I don't think I ever fooled anyone.
I relate to Alix. Growing up with a feminist CEO mother I dreamt of climbing the ladder and making my mark on the world, rocking power suits in my corner office. After trying to swim up that stream for five years I am learning that I actually care more about what happens from 5-9 than 9-5.
Also, a belly-button ring.
I am thankful for this blog for introducing me to oh so many things, but Rye Rye may be at the top of this list.
@kayjay "Talking is good. Talk about things. Talk about things forever."
Completely right on.
LW2: I agree with A Dude whole heartedly. My boyfriend, who is truly wonderful (but human) who I love very much, admitted to me one year into our relationship that he had hooked up with an ex 6 months in. He was a child, afraid of commitment and had gone a bit too far with substance abuse. When he told me I was actually planning on breaking up with him because he had been growing more and more insular, a sure sign we were loosing our spark. His confession was met with much yelling, storming out and sleepless nights but the genuine regret in his eyes, and my own gut, told me it was worth a second chance. Recovery from such experience is a slow process, trust builds little by little and there are days when one or both of you wants to quit. The images in your head become less frequent by the day. Today I am far less tortured by it than my significant other who can't talk about it without crying and still looks at me with sorry eyes fro.
m time to time.
All that said and done it has most assuredly strengthened the couple we have become. There is an honesty and openness that never existed before, we have learned more about each other (and ourselves) than may have ever come into light otherwise. We now know the extent of how much we care and our commitment to each other. I trust him one million times more today than I did 2 years ago. I wouldn't take it back if I could.
It isn't easy, it is a scar your relationship will always wear and it is sure not worth the energy if the relationship is not worth saving. Only you can know if you are living in denial so I urge you to take a good look inside before you truly choose to stay. Good luck!