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On Friday Open Thread

I feel sort of guilty, because my anxiety is getting better (I have occasional quiet moments in my brain now! I did not know how amazing that could feel!), but my fiancee is being hit pretty hard with seasonal depression. And we sort of have this thing going, where we feel like we work so well because we understand the other person's anxiety and depression, and so I have this weird fear that we won't get along as well if I'm less mentally ill? That's fucked up, but yeah. Guilt and anxiety about my new moments of not experiencing guilt and anxiety. :/

Anyway. I know that she's going to have seasonal depression no matter what I do. But I'm trying to do little loving caretaking things for her - offering to cook so that she'll actually eat, bringing home the occasional nice little luxury thing (nothing crazy, I mean like moisturizer or a giant fancy brownie), cuddling, watching silly television with her - and I would love suggestions for kind things I can do to make her smile even while she has SAD brain.

Posted on November 8, 2013 at 5:18 pm 0

On Friday Open Thread

@blueberry mary It sounds like you're not really that interested, but maybe you feel like you need a more compelling reason than that to end it? Like, you can't pinpoint a dealbreaking flaw in the guy, so you might as well keep dating him? And if you need to hear it: not being that interested is reason enough to end it. It is. A guy doesn't have to be awful to not be a good match for you. A couple of my exes are really nice people whom I still talk to on occasion! They're just not my really nice people, and that's okay.

Like I said before, it's perfectly fine to keep dating him if you're having fun! But if you're not genuinely enjoying it, and the thought of dating him for three months to see how you feel does not sound like a good time to you, then you may want to consider cutting your losses now. If the idea of dating him for awhile does sound like fun, then maybe there is some potential for growth there and you wouldn't really be stringing him along.

Basically: I absolve you of guilt for whatever you choose. ;) Dating is hard! It's okay not to have it all figured out early on in both your time with this person and your relationship experience.

Posted on November 1, 2013 at 4:37 pm 2

On Friday Open Thread

@blueberry mary It's not bad for you to keep going on dates, necessarily, unless you're in a hurry to meet the great love of your life. If you just want to enjoy dating, then someone you don't immediately have strong feelings about but like well enough is just fine! I dated a lot of those people.

I will say, though, that I pretty much fell in love with my fiancee within twenty minutes of meeting her. We went on our first date a couple of months later (long story), and I came home and said that if I could avoid screwing things up, I was going to marry her.

My best friend has a similar story about her now-husband - she knew within a week that he was her person.

You can have a satisfying relationship with someone you didn't have immediate feelings for, but there's definitely something to be said for meeting a person and just knowing, I think.

Posted on November 1, 2013 at 4:06 pm 1

On Friday Open Thread

@upupandaway I really don't think you need to warn new partners so that they don't think you have an active yeast infection. I get mild ones pretty regularly (I've seen a doctor about it; I know they're yeast infections; it's fine even though it sucks), and basically it just does not matter at all. Dudes tend to be pretty ignorant about vaginas; they're not likely to even notice, never mind care.

As for the spotting: I think you can just ask! Just say "hey, I have an IUD, so I might be spotting a little bit. That's not a problem, is it?". It might be for some people, but a lot of adults have long since gotten over any squeamishness about period sex. I mean, the majority of sexually mature women bleed for a week every month. At some point you kind of have to get over it, right? Unless the person has problems seeing any blood ever (which some people do!), I think it's okay not to worry about grown ass people freaking out over a little menstrual blood. :)

Posted on November 1, 2013 at 4:03 pm 0

On Friday Open Thread

@LacunaKale They're both good, though! I am now envious of your soup and might have to make some tomorrow.

Posted on October 11, 2013 at 4:32 pm 0

On Friday Open Thread

@LacunaKale Portuguese kale soup is SO GOOD. Do you have the actual Portuguese sausage, or just the Spanish chorizo? I can't get the Portuguese sausage here, and I swear there's a huge difference.

Posted on October 11, 2013 at 4:32 pm 0

On The Areola Architect: Cathi Locati

This was such a great interview!

Posted on October 11, 2013 at 2:38 pm 0

On My Late Adolescent Poetry, Translated Into Plain English

I loved this.

Posted on October 8, 2013 at 12:44 pm 2

On A Migraine *Just For You*

I've only ever had them when coming off birth control (Ortho Evra patches, specifically - I've never taken any other kind). I remember them as severe pain, nausea, dizziness, and sensitivity to light. I just went to bed, threw the duvet over my head, and waited for death.

Stupidly, I went off that same birth control three times before I realized that I actually didn't enjoy dating or sleeping with men all that much.

Posted on October 8, 2013 at 8:59 am 0

On "Laughing Through the Tears": Talking With Jessie Kahnweiler About Her Dark Comedy, Meet My Rapist

Oh, I'm going to have to watch this later. I suspect that I will love and hate it in equal measures, which sounds like an insult but which I promise is not.

Posted on October 7, 2013 at 4:08 pm 0