God, I hope AQC is right about even terrible people knowing better than to start shit at people's weddings. I'm in the same boat, and my fiancee and I have talked to the people whom we know aren't that queer friendly (ie, our parents), and I still don't trust that they're not going to be awful. I saw my mom over Christmas, and I tried to include her in the wedding plans a bit...whereupon she informed me that she's not going to dress up for the wedding because "nothing about what you have planned says 'nice wedding' to me".
Also, I actually do kind of feel like I wore out my kinks. But it was because my sex life with one particular guy was "all kink all the time" and always pushing the limits of what I was willing to do, right up until it turned into rape. My fiancee (a lovely lady who is the furthest thing from a rapist) and I do still engage in some non-vanilla activities, but I'm no longer interested in being on the receiving end of any pain or dominance play at all. I would feel safe with her; I'm just not interested anymore. That situation is different from the letter writer's though, so hopefully AQC's suggestion to just take a little break and then get back at it will work for the letter writer. If not, there is a whole world of kink that a lot of people don't find out about unless they get involved in the BDSM community - a quick browse through fetlife might help the letter writer and her partner find new kinks to try, if they haven't done that already.
This was lovely.
@j-i-a Maggie Stiefvater's prose is beautiful. Maybe not the early stuff as much, but The Wolves of Mercy Falls series (Shiver, Forever, and Linger) and The Raven Cycle (The Raven Boys and The Dream Thieves) are gorgeous.
Excellent piece, thank you!
@Chareth Cutestory There are often rating sites for doctors and therapists, which will give you some idea of how their clients have felt about them.
If you know that any of your friends have been in therapy, they can be a good resource.
Sometimes googling your specific problem + your location + therapy can lead to someone who's really good with that specific problem.
Your doctor may have some suggestions (that's how I found my therapist when I went).
If you're in need of someone who will respect you as a minority (I was), googling "queer-friendly therapist" or whatever helps.
Good luck! :)
@melissabw Yeah, she has a lamp and it helps! Just not enough right now, unfortunately.
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) These are both good options! She mentioned wanting to make cinnamon rolls, so I could help with that. And there was a comic book store/sandwich shop that we've been meaning to go to. We could walk there.
Thanks, those are really helpful suggestions!
I feel sort of guilty, because my anxiety is getting better (I have occasional quiet moments in my brain now! I did not know how amazing that could feel!), but my fiancee is being hit pretty hard with seasonal depression. And we sort of have this thing going, where we feel like we work so well because we understand the other person's anxiety and depression, and so I have this weird fear that we won't get along as well if I'm less mentally ill? That's fucked up, but yeah. Guilt and anxiety about my new moments of not experiencing guilt and anxiety. :/
Anyway. I know that she's going to have seasonal depression no matter what I do. But I'm trying to do little loving caretaking things for her - offering to cook so that she'll actually eat, bringing home the occasional nice little luxury thing (nothing crazy, I mean like moisturizer or a giant fancy brownie), cuddling, watching silly television with her - and I would love suggestions for kind things I can do to make her smile even while she has SAD brain.
@blueberry mary It sounds like you're not really that interested, but maybe you feel like you need a more compelling reason than that to end it? Like, you can't pinpoint a dealbreaking flaw in the guy, so you might as well keep dating him? And if you need to hear it: not being that interested is reason enough to end it. It is. A guy doesn't have to be awful to not be a good match for you. A couple of my exes are really nice people whom I still talk to on occasion! They're just not my really nice people, and that's okay.
Like I said before, it's perfectly fine to keep dating him if you're having fun! But if you're not genuinely enjoying it, and the thought of dating him for three months to see how you feel does not sound like a good time to you, then you may want to consider cutting your losses now. If the idea of dating him for awhile does sound like fun, then maybe there is some potential for growth there and you wouldn't really be stringing him along.
Basically: I absolve you of guilt for whatever you choose. ;) Dating is hard! It's okay not to have it all figured out early on in both your time with this person and your relationship experience.
@blueberry mary It's not bad for you to keep going on dates, necessarily, unless you're in a hurry to meet the great love of your life. If you just want to enjoy dating, then someone you don't immediately have strong feelings about but like well enough is just fine! I dated a lot of those people.
I will say, though, that I pretty much fell in love with my fiancee within twenty minutes of meeting her. We went on our first date a couple of months later (long story), and I came home and said that if I could avoid screwing things up, I was going to marry her.
My best friend has a similar story about her now-husband - she knew within a week that he was her person.
You can have a satisfying relationship with someone you didn't have immediate feelings for, but there's definitely something to be said for meeting a person and just knowing, I think.