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offbalance

offbalance

Native New Yorker, Constant Talker. I live on all things media.

On That Baby Wants to Break You Up

If you all will excuse me, I'm going to go and rip out my unused uterus with a fork. I'm also going to print this out and show it to my husband, who thinks having a baby will be nothing but magic and wants me to stop being so negative about "the idea." I'm not saying we shouldn't have kids, btw. I'm just saying we should be prepared for the fact that they're going to completely ruin our lives.

Posted on January 22, 2013 at 1:17 pm 3

On Homo for the Holidays

@Violentviolet At least she has you for a mom. Fifteen sucks no matter how you slice it, but she's very fortunate to have a loving and supportive home that accepts her for who she really is. So, yay for you, and hopefully the rest of the extendeds will come around.

Posted on December 21, 2011 at 3:32 pm 0

On You Are Sixteen Going On Rosemary's Baby

@Ten Thousand Buckets It really was godawful, wasn't it? At least Jeff Bridges could carry a tune!

Posted on December 1, 2011 at 12:13 pm 0

On You Are Sixteen Going On Rosemary's Baby

There is no part of a sketch with Mia Farrow as Liesel and Woody Allen as Rolfe that is not hillarious.

Posted on December 1, 2011 at 12:13 pm 0