By melis on Friday Open Thread
@blueberry mary Get over everyone. Retreat to a sea-cave, and plait your long hair out over the rocks to dry in the sun. Menace crows; keep them out to sea with your mind powers. Drink tea for hours and hide smooth bits of jasper from yourself. Pretend the whole world is dead until everyone but you is, then build yourself a house that stretches over forests.
why did I read those comments what is the matter with me this isn't new this isn't a surprise
It just gets worse, every single sentence, and I am so mad. (She seems awesome, I'm going to go reserve all her books at the library.)
For the record, if anyone wants to pull a "Brad Paisley/Accidental Racist" comment and ask people to stop looking for things to get mad about:
I'M NOT TRYING TO FIND THINGS TO BE ANGRY ABOUT
THE THINGS FIND ME
By districter on "This site is for entertainment only and is not affiliated with TripAdvisor Media Group"
"We said to her that our group had booked five bedrooms with the hotel and had spent a lot of money and her response was, “what do you want, a medal?” - Hannah B"
You can even eat a bleu cheese steak and have anal sex to follow, if that's where your heart leads you.
I don't really understand this problem, as I would just make penis cake for myself all the time.
LW 1: You don't have to do anything you don't want to do in bed. If you feel like you have to put out in some way, I think that can create a mental block that makes it harder to relax and experiment and see what you dig, and what your partner digs. If you know that you don't have to do something, then I think that gives you a real choice, which can include being generous or curious enough to try something new, as much as it can include saying: "No. I really don't want to do that."
There are things I definitely won't do in bed, and because my partner respects that and doesn't pressure me, I feel free to experiment in other ways to see what is pleasurable for both of us.
So if you can, let yourself off that hook. This is about the process of messing around in bed, and not about achieving a fixed result. Messing around allows for creativity and adjusting to BOTH your needs, rather than needing to feel as if you have to deliver a particular technique in a particular way.
As part of that, you will have preferences about how you try things. If he's sweaty downstairs, his skin might taste more salty than usual. So yeah, I echo the other comments about trying it in the shower if you want to. Also, don't be afraid to mix things up: a blow job can involve using hands too, licking lightly, sucking more robustly, making swirling or strumming motions with your tongue, using just the tip of your tongue and flicking, using just your lips, going slow - whatever. It doesn't have to be deep throating, or full on swallowing. Break the exploration down into smaller, less intimidating things to try, if it feels like it's too full on at first. Eg: you could try just gently applying suction, or licking with the tip of your tongue to small areas on the underside of his penis. See if there are any spots which are more sensitive than others. What happens if you lick a sensitive spot and tickle his balls at the same time with your fingers? What happens if you swirl your tongue over a sensitive spot, while wrapping your hand around the bulb of his dick and giving gentle, pulsing squeezes.
What I've found is that sometimes by messing around, I accidentally create a sensation for the boyfriend WHICH HE HAS NEVER HAD BEFORE. I mean, not even when getting busy with himself. His reaction of surprise and delight can be super exciting. So much so that sometimes I start giggling, I feel really powerful about turning him on, and I just want to keep on seeing what makes his eyes roll back in his head, or whatever.
So don't be afraid to start with a small exploration. And if both of you stay open to messing around, that is the best, because again, it is not (or should not be) about pressure to do something in particular. It is about seeing what you can do together which is fun enough for BOTH of you.
About the tone and content of this advice column in general: Meh.
As a reader, some of what I get out of Hairpin advice columns is seeing someone else's perspective or experience. It doesn't have to be "perfect" advice; it just has to be another person's thoughtful response, because I enjoy seeing the thinking that's gone into it. It's like a little window into someone else's life, and into their ways of coping with various issues. If some care has gone into crafting a reply with some substance to it, then I feel invited to think along with the columnist. I find myself reflecting on the issue in more depth, reflecting on on my own response to the issue, or caring to see what the other Hairpin readers write in the comments.
This reads more like the columnists were more interested in bantering with each other than engaging with the letters. That's fine if I want banter, but I don't read these columns primarily for banter. I read them because of the stuckness, the yearning, the sweetness, the fear, the befuddlement, the variety, the existential difficulty of life. Because relationships are hard - and at the same time they matter. Because sometimes it's like Irvin D. Yalom wrote (and I paraphrase): we are like little boats bobbing around at sea, lost at night. But as we gaze out across the waves, we can see the lights of other boats, also tossing about on the same vast ocean. And even if we're each in our separate boats, that tells us that we're not alone.
It's possible to banter about everything, and skip along the surfaces of difficulty, pain, stuckness. Sometimes it's healthy to do that. But it's usually also more challenging to make a heartfelt, soulful response which requires more feeling, more thought, more care.
Advice - well, yeah, people will take it or leave it. But caring, and thought and some sense that their struggles are seen, even from a vast distance away - that can transcend any fundamentally "imperfect" advice, you know?
Yeah, can we not do this again? Fun experiment, but it seems like none of the people writing in got any help at all here.
@The Nerdy Nutritionist
I feel vaguely smug in the assumption that my cat would be the only "Miss Boris Karloff" on the map. I think people get more creative with cat names, though, because the cat will ignore you no matter what you call her, unless you happen to also be holding an open can of tuna fish.