A woman who enjoys drinking liquor from small glasses whilst airing her opinion(s).
@emsiela I get where you're coming from, because there are sentiments like that to which I can't relate at all, like, "From the moment I met him/her, I just knew." I'm roughly the same age as you & been dating my bf roughly the same amount of time, and I'm still not 100% sold on marriage. There are people in my life who think I should know by now or be headed down that path, and it's hard to articulate why I'm not ready for that commitment yet. To me marriage is a decision that has serious legal and financial implications, more so than proof that you're really in love with someone. Do you support each other? Do you have productive fights? How do you deal with each other's families? Do you share the same values and vision for where your life is going? Are you friends? Are you on the same page as far as kids, grad school, where you want to live? I'm like 90% of the way there w/ my guy, but I feel like I'm still growing up.
As far as your differences, one thing I've been learning is that our differences can also be what makes us a strong partnership. For example, my bf and I want very different things out of our careers, and it took me a long time to realize that that actually makes us more compatible, not less. There will always be things that aren't perfect. I think the boring stuff like communication and responsibility is more important than the fireworks, personally.
By zamboni on Wednesday Open Thread
@yeah-elle TEPID DUDES TO THE LEFT. Sorry, though. :(
Imagine, if you hadn't asked him out you'd probably still be pining over him and thinking he is the cat's pajamas. Instead, you are a badass with a bunch of imminent amazing food options.
@yeah-elle Also, it is never too early to start the eggnog dranking. Tis the season! It does not diminish your awesomeness for tossing your hat in the ring. Boys r dumb.
@emsiela I call bullshit on the "I love you more every day". Sure, some people feel that way, but I think it's a little cliche and people don't really feel that way.
There are days where I do NOT love my husband more than I loved him the day before. Any time someone says this I think of the two days in my marriage that disprove this to me. One day, my wonderful husband snuck out of bed, turned the heater up obscenely high so I would be warm, left the house and came home with coffee, bagels and flowers. The next day, we got in some dumb fight in the car and I made him pull over so I could get out and he left me on the side of the road.
I 100% did not love the husband who left me on the side of the road more than the one who turned the heater up to lure me out of bed. I think waxing and waning is the normal state of things and is fine and healthy.
The second thing, abut the "fireworks all the time"- I also can't stand that. I had a very passionate relationship with a dirt-bag. It was very fireworks all the time-y. It SUCKED it was unhealthy and stupid. I knew I was in love with my husband when on Day 10 of knowing each other, we sat on the couch eating pasta and watching Netflix and there was a warm, nice content feeling. No fireworks. We got engaged 3 days later and then married 4 months after that. People assume all the time there must have been some kind of love-at-first-sight, fireworks kind of situation. Not so, it was more that we felt so comfortable and happy we just couldn't imagine wanting to go through the drama and rigamarole of dating when we liked just being us.
Don't let weird hallmark cliches turn you off of marrying someone you want to marry.
@frenz.lo I also like, "If all goes well with this gingerbread house I'm working on, I'll have plenty!!" (and then wicked cackle/mic drop)
ETA: That works if it's phrased "Are you..." for "When will you?" I'd change that to "When I get the finishing touches put on this gingerbread house." (still cackle)
@CheddarBiscuit THIS. When I hear "fireworks all the time" all I can think of is my last relationship, which was seriously dysfunctional and beautiful and passionate. I was miserable. It's a cliché that passion burning bright burns itself out, but it was true for me.
ETA- so don't blame "We're not a romantic family" –romance in the Hollywood sense is highly overrated and is, by and large, creepy, stalkerish, non-consensual and non-boundary-respecting behaviour.
@frenz.lo Woot for getting the hard part over with right away!
For the children question, I am toying with the idea of saying "We already had them but decided to give them away when they refused to pull their own weight." Probably better than "Are you fucking kidding me, have you heard of boundaries?" :D
Oh zut, I forgot about Thanksgiving! That means the entire internet* is pretty much going to be shut down for the next four days. How am I going to distract myself?
*by which I mean, the sites I usually visit which are apparently overwhelmingly American.
Dear Hairpin -
This year, I'm thankful for finding you. Not only do I get to laugh a lot here, but also think and share and get a better understanding through all the good people who spend time on this site. I've gotten real world friendships out of this, and for that I'm grateful.
Happy holidays; everyone be safe!
Hugs hugs hugs to everyone. <3