@realtalk I was really planning to stop lurking and start coming to meetups! I had this on my calendar and everything!
...Then I spent two days teaching preschoolers while hobbling around on a sprained ankle, and I decided to call it a night. Hope it goes well!
@crane your neck @adorable-eggplant My husband is in the final year of his history PhD. He freaks the fuck out about his (very nearly half-done) dissertation AND the academic job market on a daily basis. We've been dating for four years, living together for two years, and married just shy of two months.
The most important thing I know about this is that you can't do your partner's work for them. I have a somewhat crazy and masochistic work ethic, and lots of ideas about how I would behave if I were getting my PhD. It used to drive me crazy when I'd see my husband doing something on a weekday, between nine and five, that wasn't his dissertation. But you know what? It's not my dissertation. It's not my work to do, and he'll only resent my thinly veiled hints that he should be working harder. (Turns out, my hints about how he should have worked harder in the past aren't particularly appreciated, either).
A partner can be a tremendous source of support to a grad student. I help make our house feel like a home, rather than a library that has a bed and leftover Chinese food. I enjoy reading and editing his dissertation, too--I get to learn about Vikings and have really intense conversations about writing. However, you are not your partner's ONLY source of support. "Grad school partner" is neither your job nor your calling. I strongly recommend therapy, dissertation writing groups, and whatever other sorts of professional help are available.
Wow. I should just go ahead and write a novel about this, to get it out of my system. Supporting a partner in grad school is tough, no doubt about it (and I didn't even get in to the financials, like how between our two advanced degrees we're gonna be in debt forEVER). But...your partner is doing what he or she feels called to do, and that's a major decision. You're with an intelligent badass who might just change the world someday. That's awesome. Learn what you can, talk them down when they freak out, and hold on to yourself.
@Bunburying Don't worry, you're not the only one.
@dephlogisticated My sister is wearing this Anthropologie dress to be my maid of honor in a couple weeks, and I luuurrve it: http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/clothes-dress-occasion/26861146.jsp
@pearlforrester why are boys so grooossss?
LW2, I had to have this conversation with my partner about brushing his teeth at night. Here's what I said: "When you don't brush your teeth, I can smell your breath really strongly, and it's unpleasant. It's really important to me that you brush your teeth every night before you come to bed."
No, he didn't like it. Yes, he sulked a bit. But he did it, and now I'm not grossed out anymore (I'm not talking a little morning breath here. That's unavoidable. I'm talking about being enveloped in a cloud of our dinner even from the other side of the bed). It wasn't a fun conversation, but we got through it. Good luck.
@Lemonnier Oh, if only I could give you all the likes!!
@The Lady of Shalott A woman in my book club once made us all read The Painted Bird. I struggled through it, hating every minute, only to find that she had gotten her Kosinski confused and meant to recommend Being There. Not cool.
I found out last night that my fiance wants to write our own wedding vows, an idea which I have always been vehemently against (quietly, in my own head). We're having a secular officiant, probably a family friend, perform the ceremony. I had thought we'd use the vows from the Book of Common Prayer (because I'm an Episcopalian) without all the God references (because he's not, and it's complicated).
It escalated into a frank exchange of views about how much we love each other and mean to each other, and whether that could be adequately expressed using traditional words.
Did you write your own vows? Did you use a traditional service? How did you feel about it?
@Dirty Hands I always know what time it is, within five minutes, without looking at a clock.