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On Get This Look: Psychologists

Read Jung's 'Red Book' and he was genuinely insane, like a character out of a Tarot deck. Feel like his outfit needs a cloak and staff or something. (Also, Tarot cards would be good for Lookalike Looks)

Posted on July 9, 2013 at 6:03 pm 2

On Family Archaeology

Wow. This is stunning. And if nothing else, shows how important it is to talk to children openly about grief.

Posted on April 23, 2013 at 4:36 pm 0

On When to Tell Someone They Might Be Gross

@hedgehogerie It was severe enough that the smell hovered around in rooms behind him, as if it had its own agency. He was a nice guy but young and hippyish and may genuinely have not realised. Given that his colleagues were spraying air fresheners around after he left the room, I think it was fair that someone took him to one side and told him to take care of his hygiene, rather than let him wander around oblivious to it.

Posted on April 23, 2013 at 4:07 pm 1

On When to Tell Someone They Might Be Gross

Incidentally, my first boyfriend was pretty scruffy and a bit unwashed (but smelled great, weirdly). I found it attractive because of his general devil-may-care attitude and the fact he was comfortable in his own skin. I can imagine that as scruffy guy (and the ladies he's trying to woo) get older it might seem a bit less charming, though.

Posted on April 23, 2013 at 3:14 pm 0

On When to Tell Someone They Might Be Gross

There was a guy at my old workplace who had terrible BO to the point that the BOSS had to sit him down and tell him so, in as straightforward and unhurtful a way as possible. I would not want to be a part of that conversation. I don't know if it was really his fault (sometimes chronic BO is a thing even if you wash regularly). But I think sweetness of personality can cut through a lot of scruffiness for discerning ladies – lack of confidence would be more of an issue. If you feel like raising it as tactfully as possible, it might help him make a better first impression. It has to ultimately feel like a confidence-booster, though, so mix it in with appreciative comments and recognise that you do really risk sounding like an asshole and hurting his feelings.

Posted on April 23, 2013 at 3:01 pm 4

On Crowdsourcing Preventing Abuse in the Workplace

@MilesofMountains Whoah – she thought that would get her the job? The assumption that men must always want sex (so can't be harrassed) seems to go hand in hand with the assumption that a woman's value is determined by her sexual desirability. The fact that she assaulted him in an interview situation suggests she may have been thinking of it as a tool for promotion, aside from being horny and predatory. I sometimes get tired of "what about teh menz" arguments because the scale of abuse is not the same, but it does cut both ways. Men might not be afraid that women will rape them (which is why I think the stakes are different in male and female abuse), but they can feel abused and humiliated just the same.

Posted on April 22, 2013 at 9:20 am 0

On Crowdsourcing Preventing Abuse in the Workplace

@Gulf of Finland One of my (male) friends was sexually harrassed at work, girls grabbing his crotch while he was on the phone as a "joke"/to try to distract him. They just laughed when he expressed discomfort; I think there can be an assumption that men can't be harrassed. I don't want to whine about this, because I know how much higher the statistics on rape are for women, but I think it's important to phrase workplace advice in gender-neutral terms as I think women don't necessarily question their sexual behaviour either. It is wrong to subject ANYONE in the workplace to that, another PERSON, regardless of gender, etc. This may also help men listening to think about it in terms of behaviour/how they would want to be treated and think of their female colleagues as their equals.

Posted on April 17, 2013 at 7:10 am 1

On Crowdsourcing Preventing Abuse in the Workplace

@Angry Panda (I'm in no way defending people who harrass/abuse, I just think it's important not to give up on the idea that it may be possible to effect change.)

Posted on April 17, 2013 at 7:00 am 0

On Crowdsourcing Preventing Abuse in the Workplace

@iceberg Actually I think the capacity of people to deceive themselves/excuse their actions is tenacious. I have read accounts of rapists or rape-fantasists being 'reformed'; they may not be used to practising empathy, or have a distorted view of their victims. I think anyone who commits rape or harrassment knows really that what they are doing is wrong, and it may be a matter of making that awareness indisputable and making the workplace culture reflect that awareness. This is what outreach work in communities with high levels of domestic violence does all the time, challenging prejudices and patriarchal assumptions, so I'm not sure why it shouldn't work in schools or offices; it will not reach hardened predators but may make people who haven't previously questioned their attitudes think about them more. The account I read was the case study called 'If Rape Were Legal…' in Love's Executioner by Irvine Yalom.

Posted on April 17, 2013 at 6:53 am 1

On Sex Phases, Red Flags, and "I Just Don't Think You'd Be a Good Parent"

I'm guessing the simple answer is that taking MDMA will magically make me happy, but I don't feel comfortable with magic happiness. It feels like one of us has to change, though. I don't know if that has to be me.

Posted on March 13, 2013 at 3:47 am 0