On New Friends, Surprise Babies, and the "Rare Phenomenon"
@leon.saintjean
When I am alone in the house, cleaning or cooking or doing responsible things or whatever, I have full-on two-sided conversations with myself, very LOUD ones! About FEELINGS! Sometimes I use funny accents. Or sing. Or rap-battle.
1
On Big Movie
My dude and I broke up this weekend. I miss him very much.
It was the right thing for both of us. We don't always get each other, we'd been fighting more recently, and I knew the relationship wasn't going to last forever. For weeks, I've felt like I was pulling away, which made me freak out, and I had trouble sleeping. In the last week or so, he wasn't interested in sexytimes, and had moody spells, which I blamed on my own vacillation. And then on Saturday night I asked him gingerly if he was REALLY "too tired" and we started talking, and I think we both knew the relationship was ending. And I think we were both a little relieved.
(Is that what guys do when they need to end a relationship? Does their desire for you dry up?)
It was the funniest thing, breaking up. It was sad, but almost... sweet. We were in bed, in pajamas, holding each other. We were finally saying all the things we'd been keeping inside, that we hadn't said because we didn't want them to be true. And finally sharing our feelings like that was such a release - a rush.
Afterwards I looked into his eyes, which were sparkling, and I realized I hadn't seen them like that in a while, because the sparkling came from us connecting - and connecting came from honestly talking about feelings. I remembered how lovely it was to be close to him in the first place, and really realized that I couldn't force this to work.
We even joked around a bit - this week, I learned that oral sex (which is usually too intense for me to enjoy) feels amazing when I am drunk. "Good thing we figured that out!" I said. "Just in time to... oh." We snorted and then were quiet, and then he held me closer.
He is a very independent guy, with a lot of pride that sometimes becomes hubris, but he held me close to him all night. We slept deeply, and both had dreams. He dreamed he had to shoot someone. I dreamed he and I (and 20 other people) were walking up a beautiful green hill, surrounded by forest on all sides, towards a big wooden house at the top. Everyone was excited, and saying, "Come on up! Come on up to the house!"
And since then, I have slept more deeply. The anxiety and insomnia I've had for the last month are gone. I know this was the right decision. I think both of us are tentatively hopeful we might be friends, once we instigate and get past the several-month no-communication-zone (thanks, Hairpin).
But my body doesn't understand. My body expects he will sit beside me on the couch and put his arm around me. It's like my body is a hopeful dumb creature, like a dog, that is happily waiting for him to be near me again, so it can relax. Poor stupid body.
0
On Big Movie
@Bus Driver Stu Benedict
In my head, I see you stage-whispering this, while clenching a menthol cigarette in a blood-red-painted claw. And your hair is teased into a grey-blonde helmet. And you are a waitress in a small-town diner in the 1980's. And your name... is "Rhonda".
0
On Hung Jury, Round One: John and Julie
@Lila Fowler I was in Central Park on St Patrick's Day, watching the parade, when all the white wine I'd been drinking hit, and I NEEDED TO PEE SO BADLY I THOUGHT I WOULD RUPTURE.
After dragging my Dude around for twenty minutes (poor Dude), the only place we could find was a little brick shack in the middle of the park. There were forty female people in line for three stalls. Mostly kids. The Dude left to wait for some friends, and I started to seriously wonder whether I would pee myself while standing in line.
In desperation, I hopped over a stone railing, snuck behind the brick shack, evaded a male gardener, and found a nook in the brick wall where nobody could see me. I was shivering with anticipation when I realized there were two teenage girls sitting on the hill in front of me.
They flapped their hands. "Go! Go! We did already!"
So I went. It was euphoric. When I came back and stepped over the stone wall, all of the women looked at me with wide eyes. I felt like Amelia Earhart.
4
On Scala Coeli
Carolita!
Socks = knocked off. Just like always.
0
On Ask a Married Dude: Bob and Eli
@kickupdust yes a million times. Emotionally fraught household tensions - marital tensions - when you're a child are much worse than seeing your dad infrequently.
MUCH worse.
1
On Delicate Subjects, Erratic Cycles, and the "Best Friend"
@annebee Yes! I know, right? Those terrible abdominal twinges! And the crazy cranky ragelust!
0
On The League of Ordinary Ladies: A New Year
@Esther C. Werdiger Was brushing my teeth when I read this; my Future Gums thank you.
0
On Hate Actually
@OMGSammiches "Liking Garden State" is the only movie dealbreaker I have ever had.
6
On New Friends, Surprise Babies, and the "Rare Phenomenon"
@Curiouser and curiouser
To show someone else how you'd like to be kissed:
I once read in a book (Guide to Getting It On - best book of books) that you should say, "Can I show you a way that I like to be kissed?"
Then he stays still, and you kiss HIM with the right slowness, pauses, movement, etc. Eventually he starts to imitate you, and if he is a good one, he will care enough about pleasing you that after a few times, he will automatically shift into Your Preference of Kiss.
I tried this a year ago. Totally worked.