For Two People, A Wedding Announcement

Tara Marie Goldsmith and Rhett Ryan Johnson were married May 27th in Central Park. “A lot of people get married in May because it’s nice out,” Tara said. READ MORE

Sexing Up My Childhood Bedroom

My boyfriend is coming into town tonight so I read an article called “5 Ways to Sex Up Your Bedroom.” I wish it was called “5 Ways to Sex Up Your Childhood Bedroom in Your Parents House Because You Still Live at Home You Loser” but we can’t always get what we want. Here are the tips I have learned. READ MORE

Welcome Home

You're back! Isn't it great? Isn't it great to be back in your old room? Or in the room next to your old room, because your old room is now your stepdad's office and the place where he's allowed to TiVo sports? Isn't it great?! READ MORE

Meg Ryan Dinner-and-a-Movie Theme Parties

You’ve Got Kale READ MORE

Holiday Gift Guide for Me, 1997 (Age 10)

1. Let’s be real: Beanie Babies are just an investment. Over the past year, I’ve collected approximately 100 Beanie Babies. That’s roughly $700 you’ve spent, which later will turn into about $10,000 or more. In the past year alone, 14 of my Beanie Babies have become retired, and are probably now a goldmine. Please see the attached spreadsheet for a full list of the Beanie Babies I own, and the ones I am still waiting on. To give you an idea, Batty the Bat, Hoppity the Bunny, Lefty the Donkey, and Nuts the Squirrel are all incredibly desirable. By purchasing me these items, you are contributing to both my college and your retirement funds. Do the math. READ MORE

Coming Clean: Things I've Never Told My Parents

When I was five, I fell off a skateboard in the driveway and cut my chin open. I had to get 11 stitches. As the doctor was sewing me up, you told me how brave I was — riding a skateboard on my own! Truth: I was sitting on the skateboard when I fell off. I still don't understand how it happened. READ MORE

For My Future Children: If You’re Anything Like Me, Some Lies About Summer Camp

(As depicted in cinema, mostly the Lindsay Lohan version of The Parent Trap.) READ MORE

Ways to Be Successfully Unemployed

When people ask you what you’d want to be doing in an ideal world, yell, “Space cowboy!” Whisper, “Obstetrician.” READ MORE

Some Futures I Thought I Might Have