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By theharpoon on "The Logic of Stupid Poor People," Or, the Only Thing Worth Reading About the Barneys "Shopping While Black" Arrests

@tofuswalkman "how did americans learn to hate the poor so intensely?" because we're told our whole lives that America is a colorblind meritocracy, therefore poor people must be lazy and stupid? but yeah. sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in a place where compassion is a national value.

Posted on October 30, 2013 at 3:17 pm 7

By This is my new username on A Chat With The Hairpin's New Editor, Emma Carmichael

Okay Edith, real talk, reading the hairpin over the last few years (articles and the comments) has honestly made me a better person, a more compassionate person, and a more feminist person. I am truly grateful for that. It's also been hilarious and fun and interesting and I will miss you around here.

Posted on May 8, 2013 at 11:25 am 48

By allofthewine on A Chat With The Hairpin's New Editor, Emma Carmichael

This almost certainly falls into the category of "not my business", but can we get a real, non-jokey explanation as to why the site's four biggest contributors have jumped ship in the last handful of months?

It's almost more upsetting that there's a big elephant and no one is discussing what is even happening and why and WHYWHYWHY

Posted on May 8, 2013 at 11:08 am 79

By gobblegirl on Depression, Mothers-in-Law, Friendzones

L1 and L2:
The people in your life are sick. Mental illness is just as involuntary, and just as damaging, as physical illness. And sick people need love and help and support. That goes without saying.
But you need those things too. Becoming a martyr to someone else's illness won't save them, but it could ruin you. Never forget that you have a responsibility to yourself (and LW2, to your children). If you have decided that you have had enough, then it is okay. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for choosing to take care of yourself.
FWIW, I have suffered from serious clinical depression (as have other close family members).

Posted on March 22, 2013 at 1:38 pm 29

By JessicaLovejoy on Depression, Mothers-in-Law, Friendzones

4: Yes, you can do that. You just don't want to. If you're addicted to the highs and the lows and sweet pain of it or whatever, just admit it to yourself and take whatever comes your way.

Just don't keep hanging on because of how much time and energy you've "invested." You don't want to find out your investment was really just a penny stock when he meets someone and proposes to her in under a year and a half.

Posted on March 22, 2013 at 12:17 pm 21

By Kristen on Being [Something] in the United States

Holy moses that first article is bad. I feel like I need to take a shower now (though that might be because it's 11:30 am and I'm still sitting, unshowered, on my couch.)

Lots of what needs to be said has been already, but I'll just amplify what I took to be the message of the Coates piece. This quote - "Why would I be teaching in an inner-city school if I'm racist" - is so telling. We (white people) need to stop thinking of racism as part of a stagnant identity ("a racist"=a KKK member, a slaveholder, a Republican, not me) and in terms of actions. Anyone can "do" racism, and the fact that we live in a racist society means that most of us probably have, and will. Your racist act doesn't immediately negate all the non-racist stuff you've done before in your life, and it doesn't mean you're doomed to keep doing racist things forever, but if you simply refuse to acknowledge the possibility you've acted that way (because you're not "a racist"), you're never going to change.

With that said, Robert Huber, you are being really fucking racist right now.

Posted on March 8, 2013 at 11:39 am 27

By Vera Knoop on The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About Food Allergies

@ponymalta
TRIGGER WARNING: ACORNS

Posted on March 7, 2013 at 6:24 pm 22

By Vicky on The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About Food Allergies

@anachronistique they see cheese rollin, they gratin

Posted on March 7, 2013 at 5:06 pm 54

By crisisalert on Farewell, Jane

@j-i-a I feel very Mr. Rochester about this too! :(

JAAAAAAAAANE!

Posted on March 5, 2013 at 2:48 pm 15

By queenofbithynia on Loneliness, Mistakes, and the Inner Questionnaire

There are sex workers who chose their profession, and are happy with it.

None of my objections are or have ever been to sex workers.

In any case, happy does not mean sexually excited; happy does not mean attracted. Somebody for whom a partner's attraction and sexual excitement are unnecessary for sex is someone whose sexual response is off in a really profound way. This isn't about whether we-who-have-problems-with-that should stone or shun such men, or even whether we should be friendly with them; it's about whether we should have sex with them, take them on or keep them as boyfriends. A higher bar than 'not a rapist or human trafficker' is appropriate in an intimate context. Sexual narcissism does not have to be criminal to be real.

The massage analogy is instructive. A massage is a one-way service by design; when I massage a boyfriend, I'm doing essentially the same thing a professional does, merely with less skill and more pleasure in his happiness. There is a problem with sleeping with someone who treats sex, conceptually, as a personal service provided to him by others who are not expected to share the physical pleasures involved.

As a side note, every time I say what I think about johns, someone tries to shift the ground to some supposed insult to sex workers, every previous conversation about prostitution I've ever had. I don't think you are exactly doing that, but I am extremely sensitive to it and I wonder what the happiness or unhappiness of sex workers has to do with the statements I made about johns' sexuality.

Posted on February 22, 2013 at 4:32 pm 10