Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I love writing but I'm bad at writing about me.

On Face Masks with Absolutely No Placenta Listed in the Ingredients

"lol yeah right you're only buying the amount of products you can fit in your tiny hands just take this and give us all your money you dumb bitch."

I have found this exact statement hand-written at the bottom of every Sephora basket I've ever been handed.

Posted on March 3, 2015 at 10:07 am 1

On 12-Year-Old Tamir Rice Blamed for His Own Death

I didn't even think that this level of failure and ignorance was possible. Holy shit.

Posted on March 2, 2015 at 1:23 pm 0

On Fancy Lady Phrases I Want To Be Able To Seriously Say Before I Die

"Sorry, I was in a committee meeting" = I spent thirty minutes trying to find someone who'd bring a kettle for this church event but kept getting interrupted by a woman bragging about how her husband programs the VCR.

Posted on February 27, 2015 at 11:14 am 0

On Our Favorite Oscar Looks


Posted on February 23, 2015 at 9:37 am 0

On Weekend Roundup / Open Thread

@Jazmine Hughes ah, yes. Depending on where you're from you might call it a garbanzo bean?

Posted on February 21, 2015 at 11:13 pm 0

On Weekend Roundup / Open Thread

Jazmine, did you see Jack McBrayer on Conan? I know it was just two white guys talking, whatever, but apparently Jack McBrayer eats chickpeas right out of the can. I thought you'd need to know.

Posted on February 20, 2015 at 5:34 pm 0

On Weekend Roundup / Open Thread

@Meaghan M Kelley Apparently there are people who don't like beans, and thus they do not believe in chili that contains beans. I used to be friends with one of these people. We are no longer friends.

Posted on February 20, 2015 at 5:22 pm 0

On What's the Best Time Your Family Has Ever Trolled You?

My grandfather was THE BEST at trolling. He would have eel on certain holidays (Christmas Eve and the feast of St. Joseph, I think), and obviously the eels were always bought fresh. By "fresh" I mean "still alive." We were pretty squeamish as kids and would get grossed out by the sight of my grandfather's eels slithering around in a basin in the sink, awaiting their fate. (Eels are freaky, okay?) So we would try to avoid looking at them at all costs, and my grandfather managed to trick us into looking at them every damn time. "Come downstairs, I have to show you something. It's not an eel." BUT IT WAS.
We also do a gift exchange at Christmas (like a white elephant but the presents are only unwrapped at the end of the game.) There was at least one prank gift every year, courtesy of my grandparents' storage room - a can of chickpeas or a really gnarly old carrot.

Oh and my sister and I troll each other by sneaking pictures back and forth - it started with an episode of Gilmore Girls where Rory and Lorelai are horrified by a picture of someone's ugly baby, and then one of them sneaks the ugly baby picture onto the other's pillow. We've done this back and forth with pictures of famous people for over 10 years now - and I think it's high time for me to bring back that picture of NHL player Mason Raymond holding a puppy. It's been snuck into Christmas and birthday gifts and has been lying in wait for long enough now. Time to pounce.

Posted on February 18, 2015 at 12:27 pm 2

On Who's the Most Important Person in Your Life?

@peppercornelius Are you too young, maybe? I'm 27, so not that much older, but I have a friend who's a professor (I forget he teaches undergrad or masters students) and many of his students had never heard of gchat. So maybe it's a slightly-older-people thing.

Posted on February 13, 2015 at 5:14 pm 0

On South Central Does It Like Nobody Does

I love this song so much, I don't even think you all even understand. I wish I had it on a cassette tape.

Posted on February 12, 2015 at 5:22 pm 0