@queequeging I watched Midnight in Paris recently and felt vindicated that my dislike of Woody Allen goes deeper than the superficial, because even when Owen Wilson, who I like, is playing Woody Allen, I still can't stand him. I don't mind the performative intellectualism (I'd be an awful hypocrite if I did), I mind the implication that every woman in his movies is just hovering on the peripheries of his sex life. Even if the women are smart and interesting, they are smart and interesting primarily to reflect well upon him, because these smart and interesting women all want to sleep with him.
In my experience, love is not a thing that arrives on the doorsteps of the worthy like an overnight Amazon Prime order. So while I completely support decisions to tip more, floss, read outdoors, and generally treat yourself with kindness, don't convince yourself that no one will love you until you're perfect, because most of the time people fall in love with you for being imperfect.
@harebell I live in L.A., and I agree with this statement. The entire population suffers from a deadly combination of vanity, insecurity, ambition and completely reasonable unwillingness to sit in one's car for an hour minimum to go get a $15 cocktail (after which you are trapped with an asshole until you have metabolized the alcohol). Awwwww I am part of the problem!
Can we have this every month?
On 8 Headlines That Sound Like Upworthy, But Are Simply Attempts To Express My Withering Contempt For That Collective of Neo-Liberal Douchebags
I always close those screens without answering ON PRINCIPLE. But I would genuinely like someone to explain what those "surveys" accomplish! Is it just to give you a nice smug glow at agreeing with a statement that only serial puppy murderers would disagree with? Or are they counting our clicks for some nefarious purpose?
I appreciate the whimsy of this, but I would straight-up hate on anyone who actually used this for their profile. I have had enough of your stream-of-consciousness text blocks, men of the internet. You are ruining internet dating.
Other people who are ruining internet dating: people who fuck with their stats/claim to be 8'11" and "graduated from space camp" so you can't search by height or whatever (I'M A GIANT DON'T JUDGE ME), people who message you "hey" and them delete their profile within hours/before you receive it (WHAT DO YOU WANT?), people who have no pictures of their face and claim this is because they are "kind of a big deal" (NO YOU'RE NOT), human men.
@Tafadhali Well, she went to Smith, and she corrects her friend's assumption that one can "turn gay" with a short explanation about the Kinsey scale, so I'm pretty sure she knows bisexuality exists. What I found interesting was the gendered implications of blurring sex/intimacy/friendship. The classic cliche is that men don't connect sex and love, and women can't separate them. For Piper, at least, that seems to be true.
I'm grinchily pleased to find others who share my unshakeable dislike of Wordsworth. He's the novelty wide-mouth singing bass of Romantic poets.
@meetapossum I regret not going to my 10-year reunion! I made a conscious decision not to go, because I realized (a) the only people I liked from high school I was still in touch with (b) my desire to go was 100% based on a 80s movie fantasy of dazzling my dectrators with my beauty and success. While I am vastly improved since high school (it would be impossible not to be), this struck me as a petty motivation to go to the reunion, unworthy of the successful, higher-minded person I have become.
I regret becoming a higher-minded, nobler person. I prefer the revenge fantasy. I have a feeling my nearly-complete doctorate in an obscure academic discipline would have showed them all they were wrong about me!
Intellectually, I am grateful to be late-bloomer. But sometimes I see one of those coltish limbed glossy-haired teens with an intuitive sense for which parts of themselves to leverage and which to conceal, and I smother a little stab of regret.
In case you were wondering, yes, I am Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed.