Shouts for not being able to ride a bike.
@Erin Rausch yeeahh! Hi-five to your husband. A male friend of mine also took his wife's last name when they married, because she already had a child with her last name, and because her last name was way better, and because he's cool like that.
I've always thought that either for having a child or getting married, it should just be a great opportunity to honor the wonderful family names and shed the embarrassing ones, like if you last name is "Dick" or "Goodhead" or "Bogey." *Power to you if you have one of those last names and love it!
As a male Courtney, I appreciate the weight of a name on quality of life. It is formative. If you have a baby person queued up for a stupid name, forename or surname, you should consider all other options.
There ought to be an algorithm developed where you can plug in both surnames and it will tell you in plain, objective terms which is the prettiest name. It could work for the whole name too, and it could work like those password strength testers. We need a machine to tell people their name ideas are stupid because other people are unreliable for clean feedback.
If we wanted to be purely neutral about this, no patriarchy, no matriarchy, total disavowal of ownership, would it be best to turn over naming to a random name generator? Wouldn’t that give a new person the greatest possible shot at individual identity? I guess this clashes with the importance of history and gives the lineage preservation lady heartburn. Family trees are novelties. Genetic plinko games. I made one back 9 generations and now I’m like, what’d I do this for?
If any of this seems like a gross attitude, OK. It’s mine, and I’m a man named Courtney, and I don’t care what my name is now, but I worried about it more when I was a little boy, before every roll call.
@Jokerswild It's too bad she picked a thing her husband supports to "stick it to him" with, seems like if that's her aim she could really find a better way to "be different." A+ opinion Jokerswild, would read again!
To those of you saying that a woman's surname is really her father's, where does a man gets his surname? Think about why you see the writer's name as her father's but her husband's name as his own.
julesSE, that's a lovely thought, but the actual historical reason children in English common law countries get the father's last name is because Henry VIII made it a law that a child must have the father's surname to inherit. That law is long gone, but its effects live on.
This issue is one I constantly debate about. Yes, women WERE property & men claimed ownership. It's not that way anymore. The woman is the one who goes through so much carrying that child. Then comes labor, which is , too painful to describe. Then the child gets the man's name. Also, if the parents divorce, the mother usually has the child live with her AND now they have 2 different last names.
I cannot understand why more women aren't questioning this.
And don't even get me started on the women who take their husband's name.
@Fredo When my wife was pregnant, I thought up this exact idea, and I was kind of in love with it. From a family tree perspective, I love that it gives both parents' family names the chance to continue on. Everyone I talked to about it thought this idea, and I, were crazy, and used the "confusing" excuse, i.e. that having kids with different last names would be confusing for them. Which is silly, since a) many families include people with different last names, and b) people generally aren't confused about who's in their family. We had a boy, and gave him my last name, with my wife's last name as a middle name... so we're still technically following this scheme? The test will be if we have another, and she's a girl.
Your kids friends are the FIRST people who are going to be okay with this, because they won't have preconceived notions of how things are done or why. They won't be teased for it. I've been so surprised at the number of my friends who as they've had kids have ended up changing their names or their kids names or everyone's names just because "how else will the kids know who their family is?!" Kids know. I asked my mother why she had a different last name than me several times as a child, but I had no confusion at any point about whether or not she was really my mother.
We gave our daughter my last name, and our son my husband's. When my daughter was born I had recently lost my brother, so I wanted to honor my small, close family by giving my daughter both my last name and my fierce grandmother's maiden name as her first name. My husband's paternal grandparents were very special to him, so we used his last name for our son. I got the "isn't that confusing?" question a lot. Answer: No, it isn't. The pediatrician, dentist, karate studio and public schools all dealt with it easily, people who rolled their eyes about it at first quickly got used to the idea, or even admitted that they thought it was kind of cool. My kids, now 19 and 22, were talking about this issue recently, and both said they liked how each of their names represented a connection to all sides of our family's past and the people who were important to us- and my daughter has always loved that she has my last name.
"What other kids will think" is the most ridiculous non-issue ever. I mean, have you seen families? They have all kinds of last names for all kinds of reasons!