By Danzig! on Friday Open Thread
This was my day
By shalalas on Ask Us Anything
@Danzig! oh baby, don't hurt me.
What kind of sadistic fuck would even dream up naked yoga.
This is not unlike what was going through my head at hot yoga (people there are barely clothed), except for then I passed out, sat down for the rest of the class, and never used the rest of my groupon classes.
By discombobulated on Or Neither
"Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist in Los Angeles. She is the author of “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” and a contributing editor for The Atlantic."
Oh, she's a professional purveyor of terrible advice and obnoxious lady-clickbait? Never would've guessed.
@pterodactylish This was a pretty vitriolic comment for such a reasonable article. Weird. 1) She said it was at a work, so the snide "maybe you need to get some new friends" comment was completely unwarranted, 2) you are aware that in the majority of households, the women do more housework, right? Gender roles are pervasive. I'm glad you only know perfectly enlightened people, but them's the facts, buddy, 3) what in the world is with this newfangled idea that feminism means that every choice a woman makes is unassailably right? It's like xojane feminism. No need to think critically about any of our actions!
I'm shocked to see any detractors, I thought this hit the nail on the head. “I’m taking his last name because I hate my last name,” stated as though it’s a fresh and free-willed motive, totally uninfluenced by orthodox, for effacing a piece of one’s identity;"
“Boys are just easier than girls,” coming authoritatively from a mother of boys, or any mother for that matter."
I loved your take on the tying of female-only baby showers into larger matters of sexism.
Thank you for this, Megan! It was for all these reasons that I insisted on a co-ed baby shower, and it couldn't have been more excellent. I even had a co-ed bachelorette party.
Also, I don't understand the defensiveness among some commenters about name-changing. Why do you need validation for having made the completely mainstream, socially acceptable choice to take your husband's name?
@pterodactylish If you got your birth last name from your dad, didn't name come from his dad? So how come it belongs to him more than it belongs to you?
I chose not to change my name for geneaological reasons (there are so many dead ends in my ancestry because I don't know my foremothers' birth surnames!) I don't really care if others do change their names (except when dudes say it's a dealbreaker if their wife doesn't take their name, I find that creepy and awful). But I find the "father's name/husband's name" logic really depressing! Because I'm a woman, my name doesn't really belong to me? That's sad.
This is a great piece, and especially the conclusion. This in particular had me muttering agreement under my breath:
when we make comments that foster a notion that caring is a stretch for men, we’re putting a certain pressure on them to maintain some semblance of aloofness. We’re telling them that our expectations are relatively low, and exceeding them would only garner unwanted attention.