I got a tattoo of an antique stand mixer so people would never, ever be able doubt my commitment to butter.
@Hellcat Ooh good suggestions. You can make donuts! Chips optional. http://www.howsweeteats.com/2014/02/chocolate-frosted-raised-donuts-with-um-crunchy-kettle-potato-chips/
By jazzloon on Friday Open Thread
@Hellcat um, no, the entire part sounds awesome.
Well, I'm still here: both loyalty-wise and temporally. I'm working the nightshift. Let's chaatttt
@adorable-eggplant I want you to always give me life advice. And also we could be wine-drinking buddies! Aww funn!!
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) "What the actual fuck" is what I said outloud while reading hellcat's comment, so I was happy to see that someone else thought it, too.
@hellcat what the actual fuck. I'm so sorry for this situation. I'm really proud of you, because if this were my sister, I would probably respond to all the pleas for attention. And tell off my family. So hey, stay strong. I'll drink a glass of wine for you tonight. Virtual toast?
@adorable-eggplant But obviously stay on the pin (so by 'turn off' I really just mean close the Facebook/Instagram window). Figure out how to fedex me a glass of red wine? Hmm, I might slowly be veering back towards bad advice.
@Hellcat And because I am (secretly) evil I will add the worst possible advice.
THE WORST ADVICE Post the following gif as a response to each sappy/dumbass luv post that she retweets:
BETTER ADVICE Resist the worst possible advice, but imagine doing it and cackle quietly to self. Have a glass of red wine. Turn off the computer and your phone.
Possible advice for this situation...
GOOD ADVICE: What jazzloon said. Nope the fuck out of there. (I wish there was an app that would remind me to do this when I'm in an awkward situation.)
ALSO GOOD ADVICE: It's a great time to take a break from social media. Stick to other Internets instead, because Instagram will only infuriate you. Play some random game on your phone instead. This will likely have blown over by the time you're sick of that game on your phone.
BAD ADVICE: Call your sister, Skype, text, whatever means of communication you like best. (Not cat videos, though. Like actual real communication.) Tell her that yes, breakups suck, and it's really too bad that The Ex dumped her, and you probably know exactly how she feels since he wasn't exactly great with you! And that should have been a huge red flag but she missed it, and yes breakups suck, but what else was she expecting when she pinned way too much on a person who was so obviously toxic? Now start acting like a 38-year-old and put on your big girl pants and stop acting like a 21-year-old whose best friend is her iPhone, which she bought a $60 case for because it has three Swarovski crystals on it. Three. For $60. That is a terrible fucking deal.
@Hellcat Fuuuuuuuck. A while back I was sad that I didn't have sisters, now less so. And ugggh douchey exes that will not disappear, bleh bleh. I did have a best friend who dated an ex briefly (and they would 'secretly' make out when they thought I wouldn't notice) but we were 19, so I feel like that's forgivable. She wanted my advice when they broke up, and in my memory I just fixed her with a withering glare, but I probably got weepy. Whoops. He was not even remotely worth the effort. Maybe instead of instagram stalking, you could watch this hypnotic video of a (gentle) penguin attack: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKMYKwAUknU
By jazzloon on Friday Open Thread
@Hellcat nope nope nope nope nope nope
Just nope the fuck out. Have nothing to do with it. Tell yr parents to fuck off. She'll live.
@Brunhilde Ha! Or, you know, 20 years since I was a sophomore in college. OH THE HUMANITY