On The League of Ordinary Ladies: Short Dates
@The Lady of Shalott OMG I love the idea of a fake coffee name. They did a hilarious bit on You Look Nice Today about it. The ideal coffee name had hard consonant sounds (more shoutable) and the best one was Truck Spank: http://youlooknicetoday.com/episode/truck-spank
0
On Stunning Nuts & Other DIY Projects for Preteens
@WhiskeySour Or the assumption that you are constantly looking out the window and could see their faces on their way to the door. Is that what teenage girls did in the sixties?
1
On Scandals of Classic Hollywood: The Passion of Laurence Olivier
Whoa! Fist picture remind anyone else of Jon Hamm? No?
OK gonna actually go read the story now.
4
On Sex Diaries: The Results
@Tulletilsynet Hmm. That methodology does seem sort of odd (in that it contrasts with how the project is described.) And I see what you mean about the 'leading' sort of questions.
Thanks for taking the time to articulate this clearly. I *am* (occasionally) an editor—guilty as charged ;)
5
On Toxic Dating, "Abominable" Sisters, and the French Manicure
@boxlady Thanks for sharing your experience.
(Sorry LW 2 for tagging along on ALL your threads.. your letter hit a nerve!)
0
On Toxic Dating, "Abominable" Sisters, and the French Manicure
@stormageddon this is excellent Real Talk, thank you for sharing!
0
On Toxic Dating, "Abominable" Sisters, and the French Manicure
@LW #2 I just want to say thanks for sending in this letter. I recognize myself in it, even though I'm a few years younger than you, and not married, but the feeling/fear you describe sometimes gnaws away at my heart and it is very scary.
The worst part is that I have no idea what I want. (RIGHT?!) I've been test-driving a few different things and finding out what I *don't* want, which is a start. And I know it's nerdy, but I have been finding that reading career self-help books from the library is soothing to my fear, even though I haven't found them helpful in a concrete way.
1
On Sex Diaries: The Results
@Tulletilsynet If you have a legitimate criticism of this project or how it is being carried out, let's hear it in plain language.
Otherwise, please don't assume that the project is "creepy" just because you would not feel comfortable participating. Judging from the comments here, it is stimulating healthy discussion about cultural mores and personal neuroses surrounding sex, and that is enough for me to consider it far, far away from "creepy" territory.
7
On Sex Diaries: The Results
@questingbeast just try different things! talk about it at a time that is not sexy-time, frame it as an issue that is not anyone's fault but that you would like to address together. You can even negotiate what you would like to do, since you say he seems to find it a turn-off to have guidance or directions during the act.
In my experience, this helps put the focus on exploration (since you are saying you're not sure what you should be telling him to do) and takes the focus off of any negative feelings (like performance anxiety, etc.) When the clothes are off and you're in a sexy-times mindset, it's natural to feel more vulnerable and take things personally when they're not meant that way.
You can also try turning it into a game: one thing that I've heard is a good way to experiment (but I have yet to try) is to play the "hot and cold" game, just saying the words "hot" when you like something and "cold" when you don't, and taking turns exploring each others' bodies to find what you like.
Good luck! The situation you describe is totally normal. I am also having this problem and it doesn't necessarily go away as you get older. Good communication is key to all sexual encounters, and yet we never see it happening in the media and aren't really socialized to understand it—we go through adolescence with the expectation that we will just know what to do, and so will our partners, and when this turns out not to be the case. So don't sweat it (easier said than done, I know!)
1
On The Best Time I Watched TED Talks as Foreplay
@aphrabean I get what you're saying. I think of them as tip-of-the-iceberg introductions to peoples' ideas (more often than nor, they're summing up their latest book or their current research and there a LOT to say) that inspire me to find out more about the issues involved, or what the speaker does. It is good to remember that each speaker has their reasons for participating—chances are they are promoting themselves as a writer/speaker. But I like that they're enticing enough to get me to read a whole nonfiction book. I'm also a fan of hearing stories that I wouldn't otherwise. Although for me, it still pales in comparison to Radiolab :)