On Never-Complainers, Workaholics, and the Balding-and-Manly
@christonacracker This is a good point. For a long time I worried about pretty much the same thing as the LW. But looking around, except for one or two people in his life who are begging to be killed with fire, my boyfriend gets over everyone's misbehavior and eventually finds it funny. Even people who went through years of being awful, he was able to keep up a certain level of affection even as he lamented their shortcomings. Like, he's still friends with someone who broke their lease, left him to move out on his own, still won't admit to taking some of his stuff, and he ended up living in some friends' basement for a year where the rest of his stuff was destroyed by a flood. He still gets coffee with that girl when she's in town.
This is also comforting because it means my elaborate dishwashing avoidance schemes actually rank pretty low on the scale of "stuff Matt has lovingly forgiven".
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On Never-Complainers, Workaholics, and the Balding-and-Manly
@julia Yeah, I found that advice really pointless. He's an adult, she can't make him do anything, so how is "instituting" couple time or blacking out an event different from the asking and saying "no really, this is important to me" she is already doing? She's not his mother.
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On Never-Complainers, Workaholics, and the Balding-and-Manly
@sudden but inevitable betrayal Yes-- it can be really surprising (but great!) to see who will come through for you if you give them a chance. Many of my close friendships were just fun ladies I liked until they were the person who stayed up talking to me when I was really going through something.
I don't think she needs to worry too much about when or how to tell him, mostly because I know if it were me I would stress myself out trying to script it and wait way too long to ask for help. But she should be honest when he asks what's up with her, why she's not available coming up, and see what happens.
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On Absolute Transparency, or Love in the Time of Google
I was really struck by the guys in both your essays who made jokes about your body that would really only be funny ("funny") if everyone were in a normative body with some quirks. It's so brave and genuinely helpful of you to put this out there so there's one less excuse to imagine that everyone around them is "normal" and dealing with the same issues and living in the same type of body.
Interestingly, your willingness to be honest about your body illuminated a situation when some people clearly feel too entitled to discuss it. We clearly need more of your words and less of theirs.
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On Absolute Transparency, or Love in the Time of Google
@JessicaLovejoy Ugh, yes! Dudes! Just because it's not acceptable to break up with someone by disappearing does not mean I want to read your fucking Facebook message novella about your feeeeeeelings.
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On Or, if You Live Elsewhere, on Your Dogsled?
@Aspiriationally Natalie I don't see that many readers on the red line or Broadway bus, but I ride the north tail of the Halsted bus every day and I bet at least 1/3 to 1/2 of them have Kindles or something similar. I've walked to the back before and passed row after row of people with e-readers that are identical except for the skin.
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On Or, if You Live Elsewhere, on Your Dogsled?
@TheBourneApproximation I love this part too! The thing about many books on gender and race is, many of them are titled after a super offensive thing discussed in the book, or are otherwise ambiguous about whether Super Offensive Thing is OK or not OK unless you get close enough to read the subtitle. I spent the entire time I was reading The History of White People covering up the cover so no one would think I'm some jackass who wants to know why there's no White History Month.
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On Or, if You Live Elsewhere, on Your Dogsled?
@anachronistique This is pretty much the whole reason I got over my resistance and switched to ebooks. I went through a run of really large, hardcover books that took me forever to read because it was so hard to take them anywhere and it felt pointless to get them out on short bus/L trips. I actually read tons more now that I never have to take my magazine-sized iPad out of my purse and I don't worry about losing my place.
Also I might be shamefully enthralled by shiny things since it seems like my attention span has improved since the switch, too. :/
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On How Not to Order a Drink, Part Seven
@redheaded&crazie The weeks I roll my eyes so often it starts to hurt: my body's built-in vacation timer.
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On Never-Complainers, Workaholics, and the Balding-and-Manly
@beeline96 My hysterical alternative:
Me: Complaint about boyfriend
Me: Hm, you know, boyfriend never really complains about me.
Me: Hm, you know, no one has really criticized me lately!
Me: Oh god, what is so wrong with me that no one will even hint at it?!