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By j-i-a on I Just Wanted to Fly Solo: A Night at the Sugar Ray Festival

@Caitlin Podiak Also... the instinct to say something that's like "Hey, you're all right! Just do this one thing and I'll like you even more" is such a commanding, gendered thing in my perception

Posted on July 25, 2013 at 10:33 pm 18

By yeah-elle on I Just Wanted to Fly Solo: A Night at the Sugar Ray Festival

@Ee Gads I think Jia was pretty self-aware about the social benefit (and even the career advantage as a journalist) her appearance affords her. I read this as a pretty straight-forward recollection of "I went to this thing. This is what happened. This is what was said." without much whinging, even subtextual whinging. I think the heaviest implied feeling in this piece is actually a self-deprecating exasperation with her inability to just go with it, for once, if only people would make it a bit easier. These comments are mostly focusing on the parts where guys hit on her, and completely glossing over the parts where she encounters casual racism, not just casual sexism.

Posted on July 25, 2013 at 8:29 pm 9

By melis on I Just Wanted to Fly Solo: A Night at the Sugar Ray Festival

@j-i-a THE NIGHT SHE FAILED TO CHILL: THE JIA TOLENTINO STORY

Posted on July 25, 2013 at 6:44 pm 36

By melis on Lake Bell's In a World...

@rabbitrabbit I do not believe that you barely care about this!

Posted on June 18, 2013 at 2:11 pm 21

By Briony Fields on How to Enter Parties

Hahahaha! This video looked really similar to one that circulated a while back of a toddler picking the lock on his sister's door, so I was totally expecting that. At first I thought the snake was a toy and that said toddler had learned a new way to open doors.

But - awwwww! Who's a good snakey snake with his belly flops and door opening abilities! YOU ARE.

Posted on June 18, 2013 at 1:58 pm 6

By cuminafterall on The "Real Thing" of Women's Writing: A Note for Stephen Marche

Please publish more lit crit & crit crit!! This was great.

Posted on June 11, 2013 at 6:58 pm 9

By omie on The "Real Thing" of Women's Writing: A Note for Stephen Marche

There are lots of vrysrs things to be discussed, I'm sure but:

"infamous for his ability to write a thousand-plus words in his own pre-cum,"

Damn, that is beautiful. I want to glue this to the heads of many, many people.

Posted on June 11, 2013 at 5:40 pm 5

By Judith Slutler on Six Fairy Tales for the Modern Woman

Once upon a time, there were some people whose gender wasn't always obvious to other people who'd just met them for the first time. So the people they met simply asked what pronoun they preferred when the question seemed appropriate, and occasionally complimented them on that awesome asymmetrical haircut or that cute pinstriped vest. Sometimes small children would seem a bit confused upon meeting these people, but parents would simply explain "Honey, not everyone has to be a boy or a girl, everyone can dress however they like, and nobody has to explain themselves to others right away." This made perfect sense and shocked absolutely nobody. The End.

Posted on June 11, 2013 at 3:37 pm 51

By par_parenthese on The Craving: One Woman's Salty Confession

@Diana Because sauerkraut and whole grain mustard are probably the greatest things ever like ever ever.

Posted on June 6, 2013 at 9:40 pm 3

By queenofbithynia on The Craving: One Woman's Salty Confession

@LilRedCorvette "Criticizing and ostracizing women who talk about the effort they make to lose or maintain their weight is just as shitty as criticizing women for putting on weight or eating unhealthily"

How exactly? Since I am way into imprecise rhetoric myself I would settle for a notion of how it's remotely similar in any way. also, how you can ostracize someone by speaking directly to them is also of some interest to me.

This was not an essay about the effort it takes to maintain or lose weight, incidentally (or not) -- it was an essay about hey I had an unnatural appetite, with the reassuring payoff that there was an unimpeachable explanation for it, liberally spiced with weight talk one-liners so ostentatiously wink-wink nudge-nudge that I wondered and am still wondering if it was a deliberate pastiche aiming for an effect I am too unsophisticated to perceive.

but anyway: We're well past the stage of confusing people by claiming that criticizing a thing is morally identical to criticizing any other thing, right? I criticize weight talk as it appears in popular women's mags and as artfully mimicked here because it's tedious, sexist in impact when not sexist in aim, insulting, and part of an ongoing homogenizing discourse that I take personally insofar as it functions as a direct assault on the parts of my brain I like the best.

If it's not clear what I mean by weight talk as shorthand, its essential feature is that nothing is justified and nothing is argued; everything is assumed: every thesis statement is carefully couched as a mere restatement and reminder of what every woman knows. It is as airtight as its practitioners can make it; the whole machine functions so that you can't get a grasp on a loose edge to ask "why" to any of it (why are you looking at your ass after you eat, why are you talking about "cardio" all of a sudden, why are we meant to understand this instinctively.) The trick is, if you will, to keep the reader or listener from seeing how the sausage is made.

Weight talk thus deserves speedy dismissal in a way that mere nonjudgmental self-reportage doesn't. I can read a billion books and essays both serious and lighthearted about self-care and self-loathing and body obsession, and I can do so with compassion and interest. I sometimes like to read about weird dietary regimens and exercise plans, if I am really bored, or want to be. whimsical pregnancy anecdotes, too, I don't go in for so much, but they are fine things in their way I guess. I bet the same is true of everybody else who so disappointed you. So I really don't think anyone is straight up going after women with differing interests for daring to be different. That is really not the issue.

Posted on June 6, 2013 at 8:59 pm 34