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On Quiz: Are You Being Insane About Choosing Your Bridesmaids' Dresses?

@The Lady of Shalott This is really how people should pitch bridesmaids' dresses. Not, "Oh, you'll TOTALLY be able to wear this again," which is, always and forever, a bald-faced lie. But instead, "Think how hilarious your child/niece/nephew/next-generation-person-of-choice will look wearing this!" We dressed up in my mom's old bridesmaid dresses ALL THE TIME, and it was awesomely ridiculous.

Posted on March 14, 2012 at 10:54 pm 1

On How Do You Treat Your Books?

@missupright OMG PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT INFINITE JEST. Tell me your feeeeelings. I reread it every year and always find something new and awesome. I have a color-coded Post-It flag system. I am a geek for that book.

Posted on March 1, 2012 at 11:40 pm 0

On The Wine Scout: If Anyone Orders Merlot…

@leon.saintjean I'm pretty sure that's another one of mom's little fibs, like, "I'll sacrifice anything for my children."

However, we all know that wine only turns into alcohol if you let it sit.

Posted on February 28, 2012 at 11:03 pm 0

On Treating and Sitting and Smoking and Talking

Posted on February 14, 2012 at 11:04 pm 0

On Nicknames

@Anji Aw, grandparents! My grandpa calls my grandma Effie, which bears no resemblance whatsoever to her given name. When we ask him why, he alway says, "Effie is the girl I should have married." They've been married for over 60 years; I think he has come to terms. :)

Posted on February 14, 2012 at 10:17 pm 0

On Reading Between the Texts: There's Been Some Kind of Mistake

@Katie Scarlett HE WAS LITERALLY THE WORST.

Posted on January 25, 2012 at 11:06 pm 5

On Reading Between the Texts: There's Been Some Kind of Mistake

@mabellegueule I have a rebuttal! I used to know a guy who would respond to every use of "literally" with a horrible smug smirk and, "Oh really? You're LITERALLY going to [blah blah]? LITERALLY?" I don't even misuse "literally," so it was always directed at other people, but he was just such an asshole about it that I literally wanted to stab him in the balls every time.

Posted on January 25, 2012 at 10:31 pm 5

On Responsibility

@Alli525 I feel your pain. I had to draw up a spreadsheet (A SPREADSHEET) when I told my parents I wanted to move off campus after my freshman year, even though I WAS PAYING FOR IT. In the meantime, my little brother was knocking up his girlfriend. (Who is now my lovey sister-in-law, and my nephew is amazing, but still...SPREADSHEET.)

Posted on January 23, 2012 at 11:51 pm 3

On Feel Free to Drop Your Phone in the Toilet Now

@sox The problem is that those women are already victims of nanotechnology. It was probably in the drinking water. Alanis is having a fake-ironic field day.

Ten thousand spoons!

Posted on January 10, 2012 at 11:35 pm 0

On Old Pictures, Clownish Makeup, and the Unexplained Breakup

@noReally WAIT WAIT. People DON'T have a ceremonial pyre in the backyard after their breakups? Who are these people, and what do they do when they are drinking away their sadness? Alcohol is an accelerant, it works out perfectly! EVERYTHING IN BALANCE.

Posted on January 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm 0