Posts Tagged: virginity

Deafening Tampons, Spring Breakers, and the 26-Year-Old Virgin

I'm a 26-year-old virgin. I've never had a boyfriend. I've only kissed one person, a stranger, drunk at a bar. I missed out completely on teenage fumbling, college experimentation, post-college mastery, etc. Now, here I am in my late twenties, having led a mostly sexless existence (I say mostly because, despite my lack of partnered experience, I'm really good at getting myself off. Thank god). Thing is, I think I might have a chance to mess around with a dude in the near future. I like a guy, I know he likes me back, we live in different places, but we'll be in the same place soon.

So, [...]


Computer Snooping, Virginity Losing, and STD Testing

Much to my own disgust, I am a 16-year-old virgin. I do, however, have this person of the opposite gender with whom I makeout on weekends and at parties (and tactlessly ignore out of awkwardness at school). So yesterday, we were hooking up naked in the backseat of his car and he was fingering me. And, in the midst of his heavy breathing and inept poking, I had an amazing epiphany: I had no idea if I was actually enjoying myself. I have never had an orgasm, have no idea how to masturbate (despite pathetic attempts) and have really no inkling of how my own sexuality works. I don’t [...]


Restore Your Virginity the 17th-Century Way

Picture it: London. 1624. You got a little carried away with John Donne, who recited “The Flea” at you until you succumbed. But! Your wedding to a cheese merchant is in a week. He expects you to stain the sheets. What do you do?

You dive into the market for born-again virgins, that's what. Hymenorraphy! How to bleed with sex, even if it's not your first time. If you were a 1620s woman, your Cosmo subscription wouldn't tell you to gird your DH's loins with scrunchies or doughnuts. It wouldn't tell you What Guys Wish You Knew. Instead of offering 75 Crazy-Hot Sex Moves, it would lure you with 101 [...]


The Punching-Office: Where 17th-Century Ladies Go for Sex

As a woman of the 1690s, you're nobody's fool. You know the facts of life: Conception happens only with simultaneous female and male orgasm. If you look at a rabbit while having sex, your child is likely to be born with a hare lip. Et cetera, et cetera. However! Despite knowing all these things intellectually, you also know what society expects, and you're a pro at juggling the demands of a society that uses purity to assess your social worth. In a word, you are a virgin.

But then you wake up one morning to find that the rules have changed. Apparently now your worth depends not on abstaining [...]


Sexual Dominance, Virginity, and Do Vaginas Taste Like Pennies?

A friend once told me that vaginas taste like pennies. Do you think vaginas taste like pennies? If you could pick one thing a vagina tastes like, what would it be?

YOU'LL PUT ANYTHING IN THERE, AND ARE POOR a play in one act by A Dude


- A Dude whose mouth is full of pennies - Some Other Entity

The ENTITY enters a dimly lit room to discover A DUDE sitting at a table. An empty ZIPLOC BAG is on the table in front of the Dude.

ENTITY: Yo Dude, can you believe the latest shit outta Davo — [pause] Wait a second. Is your mouth full [...]


Queer Credentials, Reverse Crushes, and a Handy How-To

I want you to treat this question like a naive child, not like a chauvinist adult, but I'm really dying to know the answer. At what point does a girl loses her virginity to another girl? I know, I know, I'm such a boy, everything's about penetration and my junk, but really, as I am specifically a GAY man and have no plans on going near a vagina at any point in the foreseeable future (I mean, I'm a Double Gold Star Gay, I was C-sectioned, I didn't even come OUT of a vagina), I'll be the first to admit that I know zero about sex with girls, especially [...]


Barbie's Alternate Uses

"At age 11, I wanted to know what sex felt like, so I broke my own hymen by propping my legs up in front of a mirror and sticking my Barbie doll's leg inside my vagina." –Wednesday's off to an exciting start! Five Women Count the Number of Sex Partners They've Had, from zero to 100-ish.