I am crying on Lou, the TSA officer. Lou is holding my license, and I’m holding every sob as long as I can. But they come out in wet bursts, snot oozing over my upper lip.
“Anita! Get her some Kleenex, please.”
I sense the restlessness of passengers roped in zigzag formation behind me as the Man Who Checks IDs counsels Weeping Chick With Laptop Out Already with quips meaningless and profound, all in the same tone: Don’t hide that smile! This too shall pass!
Colleague Anita slips me a less sympathetic look before sliding off her stool to locate tissues. Her walk is slow enough to appear intentional. It [...]
I'm going on "vacation" later this week (lol what even is that) so of course last night I had to drag myself to a nearby beauty salon where I paid all of my money so a nice lady could rip all the hair off my body with a healthy layer of skin attached because listen I know we should all be evolved humans and just accept the fact that we have body hair and there is no reason I can't lie on a beach with a bit of fuzz coming off my deathly pale legs and I really love the look of armpit hair on a woman but like [...]
Day One: Boston to Philadelphia
My mom and aunt (twins) hit a big birthday this year, and, to celebrate, are taking their kids on a once-in-a-lifetime cruise to Greece and Turkey. All nine of us converge on the international terminal at Philly Airport from our various East Coast cities. Only one of us has ever been on a cruise, and no one’s been to the Mediterranean before. After having our passports checked about 16 times, we board the flight. We eat a salty dinner and watch that terrible Reese Witherspoon movie about spies dating the same woman.
Day Two: Athens
We arrive in Athens exhausted, with swollen feet. [...]
I'm not sure how, but at some point this past year I inadvertently signed up for a newsletter from a site called urlaubsarchitektur. For months I deleted it as spam because the sender was always "www.urlaubsarchitektur.de," in all lower-case (it's a German site), but then one time I opened it and learned that it wasn't junk but a small roundup of "architecturally outstanding holiday houses and hotels" from all over Europe and beyond.
Translated as "Holiday Architecture," the newsletter delivers photos and brief descriptions of minimalist and painfully beautiful vacation destinations twice a week; recent installations have included a TV-less and "aesthetically perfect" apartment in Bavaria, a [...]
This article about how to stay offline during a vacation has the right idea, except for where it casually recommends "declaring email bankruptcy." Is this a thing? That everyone knows about? Sounds awesome.
The year: 2003. My grandma was turning 80! So my big brother and I went down to her house in Fort Lauderdale to hang out with her and celebrate. We went to the Mai Kai and drank tiki drinks … we went to the Rustic Inn and ate garlic crabs … and, of course, we went to the beach.
Usually we opted for Dania Beach because it's generally pretty quiet and deserted. (I think 'cause there's nowhere to buy beer.) But for some reason, that day we ended up at hot, crowded Hollywood Beach. My super-tan grandma oiled up in the sun, my pale brother read a paperback in a cabana, [...]