Posts Tagged: ups
4

Adventures with UPS Man

N.B.: My beloved UPS Man is very good at his job and represents his company very well and he brings me things and I love him.

I have a very special, very intense, very secret, very unrequited and ongoing relationship with the very attractive UPS Man who brings me packages nearly every day. I love UPS Man most during the spring and summer when he wears his brown polyester shorts and he speeds up the hill toward my building, music blaring—often classic rock. When he steps out, his thigh muscles flex and I think, “What can brown do for you?”

I have many answers to that question. Most of said [...]

112

UPS Riddle

If you were delivering a package addressed to apartment 4F, and this was what the buzzer looked like, what would you press? That sticker says "3R," by the way. This is an actual question.

(Sorry, no, this is self-indulgent and will probably make me look like an idiot, so I'll cut it short here — the answer is 4, but I eventually ran into the UPS guy, who keeps missing me even though I never leave, as he put another "We Missed You" sticker on the front door, and I said, "Ah!" and he said, "Oh, so which is your actual bell?" and I said "4," and he said, "Oh [...]