Posts Tagged: tournaments
37

Troy Patterson Likes Martinis, For Now

"Here is the deal: We sifted through 130 years of history to examine the best and weirdest of what has been written and said about the commingling of gin and vermouth, and we rounded up 80 notable recipes. Check them out, think them over, mix them up if you like — and then upvote or downvote them as you see fit. (Voting ends Sunday, March 17 at 6 p.m. EDT) The 60 most popular recipes will earn seeds in our Martini Madness tournament bracket. … And then what happens? I’m not 100 percent sure — and that’s part of the fun — but the premise is that your correspondent will [...]

300

Amusingly Horrible Things Bosses Have Said: The Bracket

Bosses sometimes say amazing things, so we asked you to anonymously pass along the best you've heard, and we made it into a tournament. An impartial judge picked the "winners."

1. [After I pledge to fix a minor office problem:] "Stop being all CALM. You're doing that thing again where you get all CALM on me. Do you understand why I'm upset? I want you to be upset too."

2. "Your handwriting is awful. You really need to take some time to find yourself."

3. [I sprained my ankle, but didn't have crutches. It was summer. Boss turned off A/C in our office, so I explained that even walking [...]

12

Ladies Always Win the March Madness Office Pool, So Let This Frequent Loser Help You

Today someone will e-mail you the brackets. Or pass you a photocopy of them. And even if you know nothing about men's college basketball, you ought to fill them out. Spend a couple bucks and see how you do. Because this is one office pool where knowing anything about the sport is probably a liability — March Madness isn't called March Makesense. This year 68 teams will vie for the Championship, and maybe 20 teams have the ability to win it all. I could give you hints about how to win, but what do I know? Nothing. The smartest people who watch every game religiously over the course of [...]

478

Amusingly Horrible Things I Have Said: The Bracket

This is the last in a series of tournaments pitting the amusingly horrible things people have said to one another … against one another. This round turned out to be a little trickier than the past few (see: strangers, moms, bosses, significant others), with submissions skewing a bit more "horrible" than "amusing." [Nervous laughter.] So we skipped the starting 32, and headed straight to the Sweet Sixteen! An impartial judge picked the "winners," but the big "winner" still needs to be determined, if you'd like to vote. And yes, it's not seeded; it's unamusingly horrible; we're idiots. 1. At my male (I’m a [...]

560

Amusingly Horrible Things Significant Others Have Said: The Bracket

Significant others sometimes say amazing things, so we asked you to anonymously pass along the best you've heard, and we made it into a tournament. An impartial judge picked the "winners."

1. "You are so much like my ex-wife. Except not Asian, or hot, or tall, or smart, or funny."

2. [Whenever we would cuddle, my boyfriend at the time would lift my shirt up slightly, smush my belly together, and sing:] "Spongebob Square Flab."

3. “Asking me to give up cocaine is like asking me to give up TV. If I walked into a room where all of my friends were watching TV, would you expect me to just turn [...]

554

Amusingly Horrible Things Strangers Have Said

Strangers sometimes say amazing things, so we asked you to anonymously pass along the best you've heard, and we made it into an unseeded tournament. An impartial judge picked the "winners."

1. While I was walking to meet a friend before church, before noon, wearing a dress: “Yeahhh, walk of shame!!!”

2. I was on the subway. There was a homeless man sitting across from me who was carrying around a collapsible card table and holding a Mylar balloon. After he caught me watching him talk to his balloon he looked at me and said, "Ugly face, you an ugly face! You ain't never going to find a husband." I [...]

357

Amusingly Horrible Things Moms Have Said: The Bracket

Moms say amazing things, so we asked a bunch of Hairpin pals to anonymously pass along their moms' best, and we made it into a tournament. An impartial judge picked the "winners."

1. [I baked crappy-looking brownies for the sixth-grade bake sale, and no one bought them, so I came home crying. My mom gave me shots of Baileys, and told me:] "I will always be here with shots when your first boyfriend breaks up with you and when you don't get into the college you want to go to."

2. "Don't touch me!" ["Oh. Why?"] "Because it doesn't feel good."

3. "It's such a shame that in this age [...]