2:30 a.m. Him: I find myself still attracted to you but I’m glad I was able to come talk to you tonight. R: Well I’ll always have a little crush on you too, but I’m glad we could talk and that you’re happy. Him: If I’m honest I don’t know if I would have had the resolve to say no if the attempt had been made to take things further.
9:20 a.m. Him: But you can do way better.
K: Hahahahaha wow I am going to slay the whole solar system. R: We seriously never have a punching bag around here, anywhere. K: I can’t [...]
MEG MEG MEG WHAT’S ALL THIS WHAT’S ALL THIS I’M HEARING ABOUT YOUR GETTING MARRIED tell me it’s a wretched lie Jo I don’t know how many more times we have to have this conversation I’ll have it a THOUSAND TIMES if I must but yes I am still marrying John tomorrow OH GREAT TRIPLE-HORNED GOD just like I was planning to yesterday this is unbearable and also last month answer me this, then who exactly do you think is going to play Mercy when we put on my version of The Pilgrim’s Progress this summer? I wrote that part for YOU wrote it beautifully in fact I don’t know, [...]
Dear Miss Manners: In the past year, two male friends whom I have known for years proposed marriage. I turned them down due to the fact that both asked me in a text message.
So. Many. Questions! 1. How old are you guys? (27) 2. Two in one year! Not so much a question. 3. Did you get a new hairdo recently or something? 4. Is it possible they were being funny? Sarcasm in text messages is hard to read. 5. What were you guys doing for all those years? 6. Being friends? 7. Are you sure? 8. Did you turn them down also via text? 9. How? Just [...]
Him: Are you familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality assessment? M: Yes. Him: Might I ask what your results were? M: INTJ. Him: That's what I surmised. M: Haha…why? Him: I noticed in class that your lower jaw is slack during class, and INTJs typically have underdeveloped facial muscles.
K: I’m just going to very quickly grab a butcher knife. I’ve seen like six episodes of CSI that start this way. M: I know. I’m SO glad I know karate. I mean … it’s probably fine, I just think he’s never actually interacted with another human being before, ever in his life. K: No kidding. He [...]