We dudes can be a confusing, emotionally constipated, nearly-illiterate group of horndogs with smartphones. And since it’s 2014 and most people are paralyzed by the idea of speaking into a phone receiver, we must fumble our path to fornication via cryptic texts which barely constitute as flirting, let alone communication, most of the time.
But hey! I’m a dumb dude with thumbs and a libido! So let me pull back the Old Spice-scented curtain and let you peek inside the mind of the modern bro’s texting intentions:
hey = I am scared, unfathomably scared.
sup? = Please do not discover my insane insecurities, I do not feel cool. Ever. [...]
B: Dinner this week? Him: I didnt think i would hear from you again.. haha, Im availble early next week B: You need to have more self-confidence boy! Him: haha
K: Haha. You called him ‘boy.’ B: Guys love that. I think. K: The few times I’ve been called ‘lady’ I liked it so much it was almost a problem, so I can see that. Although maybe the reverse is ‘sir’ and in this case it’s more like you are like his stern but ultimately kindhearted grandmother. Or maybe it is really cool and he was like “whoa.” Anywayyy, what happened after? B: Nothing. [...]
Jen Doll addresses textual elongaaation. JennnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNN!!!!
Dulcinea DULCINEA BESTIR YOURSELF dragons - dragons everywhere -
where are there dragons? where are you?
I am beset by dragons, my love! there has been perfidy in this strange land of iron islands and wraiths that drape themselves in steam
are you in the kitchen?
no kitchen could produce a bellow so terrifying nor a stench so foul as that of these steel dragons