Piper Chapman: Attempts to endear herself to the Queen of Thorns by providing her with artisanal soaps—rose-scented, of course. Cersei observes this gesture and, believing Piper to be allied with the Tyrells and disloyal to the crown, has her accused of treason and executed. Total survival time: 8 days (3 spent in prison awaiting trial).
Alex Vause: Builds an underground organization distributing milk of the poppy to Westeros's wealthy and indolent upper classes, recruiting minor bannermen and bored youngest children of lords to help her. Selling to all sides, she's able to make a comfortable if rootless living—and kiss a few rich men's wives along the way—until she's poisoned by [...]
After a day during which one mini crisis inspired a second, which invited crises numbers three and four, who brought along their friends, until my mood turned into an impromptu house party filled with unwelcomed guests who drank all my booze and left regret, despair, and used Kleenex as their parting gifts—after that kind of day—this was the news I came home to: “Bunheads has been cancelled.”
I couldn’t be too surprised at the announcement. Despite the cultish passion it inspired in a handful of critics, Bunheads was a weird show with a clunky name and a premise (former showgirl turns small-town dance teacher) that didn’t exactly grab potential viewers by [...]
America was originally a spinoff of the long-running England. Airing from the 1776-77 season through today, America focuses on a small ensemble of white people using things in the ground to become rich or kill brown people. A sprawling dramedy, it combines all of the loose plot points of a Tyler Perry sitcom with all the fun of being white.
It has widely focused on the themes of war, freedom, sitting, Fenway Park, maps, the one true Christian god, rugs, pregnancy tits, Vice magazine, butterfaces, coal, butterdicks, “Where’s the Beef?,” Chicago, Larry Flynt, colonialism, Terri Schiavo, NBC single-camera sitcoms, toddlers, suicide pacts, Atari, penny farthing bicycles, SpaghettiO’s (Cool Ranch flavor), tiny dolls, the TLC show Sister Wives, H1N1, television, [...]