Posts Tagged: Susan miller
9

The Susan Miller Drinking Game

Hallelujah! We have finally left the cesspool that was April, and Susan Miller has arrived with predictions of a May to remember. Yes, the horoscopes are a little belated (Susan, we're sending good vibes for a speedy recovery!), but the good news is all the more welcome since we had to wait for it. Now that we're on the tail end of the effects of that last eclipse (it's out the door tomorrow, May 10th), it's time to give those May forecasts a closer read with the Susan Miller Drinking Game. So pull up your forecast, break open the liquor cabinet, and let's get started. If you're still [...]

14

If We Survive October We Can Have a Doomsday Sleepover Party in 2014

"[October] wasn’t, like, tragic. You just had to be careful. People are through the worst now, but late December is worse than October. I don’t know how I’m going to write about this, because I love the holidays. I’m worried about New Year’s Eve. I’m afraid that companies will cut back, people will lose their jobs, couples will fight because they don’t have enough money, people will drink more because of difficulties they're facing…I want everyone to stay home that night and have a few friends over and even buy some air mattresses. It will be fun, like a sleepover."

-There are just 13 days remaining in astrologist [...]

18

What Would Susan Miller Say? My Octocalypse Journal

For months, famed free astrologist and amateur soothsayer Susan Miller had been warning in her horoscopes that October would bring Hard Times, because Mercury would enter retrograde.

I know. A free Internet astrologist? One with a website that appeared to have survived the fall of Netscape Navigator, the Dot Com bubble, Web 2.0 over-engineering, and the Great Recession fallout entirely unchanged? Pointing to AstrologyZone.com is analogous to the gang in Scooby Doo! entering a witchdoctor’s house looking for clues—you kind of already know what kind of nonsense you’re getting yourself into. But her mysticism—broad, careful wording, a firm grasp of generational vanity and provincial foibles—isn’t about specifics.

Really, [...]

36

Susan Miller's Guide to October: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Good news for everyone in September! October will be difficult for us all so get things done immediately–signed sealed and delivered.

— Astrology Zone (@astrologyzone) August 28, 2013

Celebrity astrologist Susan Miller's October report is delayed, and her often eerily accurate website is down, and this is something of a reason to panic, according to a friend I trust on the matter: October, Susan Miller has been warning Twitter for months, will be hell. For everyone. Mercury is in retrograde after October 21, we're told, but really no time this month is safe [...]

32

Out With the October, In With the New Susan Miller Forecast

November is a very good month, and compared to October, it's another country! Mercury will be retro until Dec 10, but then free + clear!

— Astrology Zone (@astrologyzone) November 1, 2013

We made it. October was really sort of a rough one, wasn't it? But now, new month, new us, and my Susan Miller is looking really promising. This month I'm going to be "smarter, leaner, tougher, and more able than ever to cope with anything life tosses my way" (doubtlessly she refers to Movember and NaNoWriMo, which both represent long-standing, overly personal trials to my soul); also, Jupiter's going to be "swirling pixie dust here, [...]

189

The Fault in Her Stars

You know that New York magazine profile of Susan Miller, the wildly-popular doyenne of AstrologyZone?

Last week, the French fashion blogger Garance Doré posted about how long it takes to become “a true New York alien” — two years to eat like one, four years to start referring to dogs as children, and just one to lose all sense of astrology as a stigmatizing hobby. “What’s shameful is to not respect people who believe in horoscopes,” Doré wrote. “It’s totally weird if someone doesn’t know his rising sign.” Today’s New York is full of people who will tell you that they never expected to believe in astrology [...]