Lots of excellent figure skating intrigue to look forward to at Sochi, but right now I am turning my attention to the past, and specifically to Sasha Cohen, my all-time favorite ice crush, who even in this recent photograph with Jared Fogle appears to be keeping up her tradition of being Fierce as Hell. (Also Fierce as Hell: Surya Bonaly's one-bladed back flip.) Above is Sasha Cohen skating in 2010 to Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah," and after the jump, a 2009 Taylor Swift routine, her Romeo & Juliet from the 2006 Olympics, and a 2003 Swan Lake.
I was so appalled by the bathroom situation that I failed to even notice that I didn't have any bedsheets on my mattress. On the wall, they had posted yet another hastily-written sign:
We apologize, but there are no bedsheets available. Instead, we have furnished your bed with the guy from Independence Day who says "oh my god. Oh my gooohhhhhhhd, I gotta call my brothah, my housekeepah, my lawyah … ah fahget my lawyah." Please forgive this inconvenience.
There he was, just lying there in lieu of a comforter.
You could read about sports journalists complaining about their hotel rooms in Sochi, where you [...]
CURLING (Into A Ball)
Ten points if you do it for an hour.
A thousand points if you don't leave bed all weekend.
Gold medal for you if you quit your job, sell that gold medal, invest in the bond market, gain wealth, thereby proliferating more gold. This will translate to happiness. Mail your teenage nephew red Beats by Dre headphones for his "domepiece." This is a successful game of curling (into a ball).
A brash alarm begins its unforgiving beep. It's the morning; dawn peeks through your window.
"It's all downhill from here," you say.
Punch someone! Reflect on how weak you are! [...]
Previously: The Fur Pie
Ann Friedman is BRB inventing and constructing a snack luge.
Team USA's Opening Ceremony uniforms, designed once again by Ralph Lauren, were unveiled on Today this morning, and they're… well, OK, they're like if your grandma's sweater chest inhaled an American flag and cross country ski boots from the '80s and washed it all down with a plastic handle of vodka and then threw up into the mold of U.S. hockey player Julie Chu. (And the sweater is just $598.) I propose the following palate cleanser: go watch Jason Brown's routine from the U.S. Figure Skating Championships a couple of weeks ago. Do it, like, five times in a row. It won't get old. [Today]