Posts Tagged: sex
2

Fun With Charts

Each???

No, but here's an infographic about dating and being single, and who doesn't want all three of those things at the same time. But also if you're an Android-owning thirtysomething redheaded computer technician in Miami, hopefully you're having at least as much fun as they say you are.

"Singles in America" is the result of Match.com's survey of "5,300 singles from all ages, ethnicities, incomes and walks of life from across the nation."

120

How I Found Out I Didn't Have the Herpes I'd Been Living With for Four Years

This story is an update to this story, published here in April 2012.

Six months ago, I sat waiting in my gynecologist’s exam room chair, fully clothed and wishing I were anywhere else. At that particular moment, I’d even have preferred being naked and spread-eagled on the paper-lined bed. It’s not true what they say about the stirrups being the worst part of the ladyparts exam room: it’s the chair. Once you’re clothed and in the chair, it means you’re there to talk.

You never forget your first time debriefing with your gynecologist. Mine was four years ago, at age 22, when I sat crumpled in a chair [...]

19

Film Programming for the Bedroom

Winter is coming, which means that streaming and/or snuggling season is upon us, which means that you too can use movie nights to get laid. Here, a short list of films to watch and cinematically-appropriate sex pairings, offered in reverse chronological order, so you can enjoy film sex like a fine wine that gets kinkier with age.

Holy Motors (2012): Gremlin noises, costume changes, lots of biting.

Shame (2011): Masturbation, desperation, fenestration sex.

Fish Tank (2009): It is not my fault that Netflix carries all of Michael Fassbender's guilt-sex oeuvre. The evening's accoutrements: Cockney accents, dancing in track suits, underage drunk sex you [...]

431

One Weird Trick to Control Your Boyfriend's Mind (the Trick Is Pouring Juice in His Dickhole)

Want to hear a secret? It’s a good one. Some might call it epic.

You know how, as women, we are constantly being reminded to enhance our appearance and increase our sex appeal so men will be attracted to us? How millions of straight women spend billions of dollars on clothes and beauty products to peacock around for some guy burping at the bar? How long has it been since you’ve really thought about how much time we spend waxing, manicuring, preening, primping, sometimes resorting to surgery, and wearing undergarments that treat our buttcheeks like teeth with corn stuck in them?

If you’re doing this to entrance the menfolk, will [...]

9

Middlemarch Is a Sexy Novel About Sex

This week, all the literati, me included, are reading Rebecca Mead’s literary memoir, My Life in Middlemarch, and pondering the myriad ways that George Eliot’s ultimate 19th Century novel encapsulates thwarted ambitions. Certainly, the novel’s elevator pitch is bleak: “the bright and promising Dorothea and the bright and promising Lydgate miss out on their potential to make the world a better place because: Human Folly.”

But as a longtime Eliot fangirl myself, I would like to offer a more cheerful take on the primary plot. You see, Middlemarch has embedded within its many, many (many) pages, a turgid narrative about a young woman’s tumble out of repression and [...]

72

I Am So Sorry You Probably Didn't Have An Orgasm That Time We Hooked Up

Oh no! I read this article on the New York Times about how you didn’t have an orgasm when we hooked up. That sucks! I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I know I shot out of your apartment like a superball out of a tailpipe. But I was pretty sure I had pleased the pants right off of you. I mean, your pants were still on. But still. This is worse than that time I crapped my pants at Lollapalooza. I am so embarrassed!

This is all according to the New York Times, of course, and who knows more about sex than them? According to the Times, women are [...]

17

A Found Poem from Nancy Jo Sales' Vanity Fair Piece About Teens

Gotta wheel the bitches in Gotta wheel the bitches in Nowadays you can do it so easy.

She hoped it would somehow be like the Lana Del Rey song. I will love you till the end of time. But there was something different about his face— it was squishier like— he was almost fat. But she didn't know quite how to get out of it They wound up going inside a Pottery Barn and making out on a couch.

My little cousin she's 13 and she posts such inappropriate pictures on Instagram and boys post sexual comments and she's like, "Thank you."

The cum shot in the [...]

10

The Unsexy Pie

 

Previously: The Polar Vortex Pie

Ann Friedman can only get it up for Uncle Sugar.

16

Abstinent Nation

The number of single people has reached a record high. A survey in 2011 found that 61% of unmarried men and 49% of women aged 18-34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship, a rise of almost 10% from five years earlier. Another study found that a third of people under 30 had never dated at all. (There are no figures for same-sex relationships.) Although there has long been a pragmatic separation of love and sex in Japan – a country mostly free of religious morals – sex fares no better. A survey earlier this year by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA) found that 45% of women aged [...]

52

Sexing Up My Childhood Bedroom

My boyfriend is coming into town tonight so I read an article called “5 Ways to Sex Up Your Bedroom.” I wish it was called “5 Ways to Sex Up Your Childhood Bedroom in Your Parents House Because You Still Live at Home You Loser” but we can’t always get what we want. Here are the tips I have learned.

Sheets with an undulating wavy water pattern stimulate our watery, emotional nature.

First things first: Bed Bath & Beyond. “Excuse me, do you have any undulating wavy patterned sheets?” “Undulating?” the Bed Bath Man asked, “Undulating,” I said. He showed me some blue sheets, and [...]