1. The chair lists the names and fears of all her previous assistants. 2. The chair lists the names and sexual desires of her future love affairs. 3. The chair is covered with every single closing voiceover by Emily Thorne. 4. The embroidered text of the failed first draft of Victoria Grayson's memoir, 50 Shades of Victoria Grayson. 5. The embroidered text of the failed first draft of Victoria Grayson's screenplay, The Portrait of Victoria Grayson.
Uh oh. Rich Santos, are you OK? Today on Marie Claire's blog the hapless but strangely charming man-blogger explains How to Get Revenge on Your Significant Other, and includes this pro tip:
Don't get me wrong, if you have sex with a random it will obviously upset your significant other. But it stings more if you have sex with someone they love or hate.
True. Did your boyfriend/husband forget to text you? Fuck his friend[s]. Just kidding, what you do is write on his best rave shirt in ultraviolet letters.
Note. For optimal infallibility and objective correctness, A Lady has brunchsourced this batch of questions. At the relevant brunch, Dudes were present, and their opinions may be reflected in these answers. They were cool, though, I promise.
I very recently broke up with a relatively long-term boyfriend who I found out is a pathological liar and a many-times-over cheater. He's currently on vacation and he left a lot of stuff at my apartment before he took off (and before I found out and broke it off). He will need to come back for the stuff as soon as he gets back, so I know exactly when that would be. My [...]
Jessica: OK I meant to pee on my ex-boyfriend's car, but I was smart enough to be like, "It's going to be really embarrassing if he catches me squatting on his hood," so my roommates and I peed in Dunkin Donuts coffee cups and empty Ben & Jerry's containers and brought them over to his house to dump on his car.
Edith: Oh my god.
Jessica: But then his car wasn't there!!!!!!!!! So we just left them on his porch.
Jessica Grose is an associate editor at Slate.
"He Took My Power Away, and This Gave It Back. Now I’m in a Relationship With a Man I Met on a Business Trip"
"Revenge surgery" sounds so much more exciting than it actually is. ("And then I grafted a ___ onto his ____!")
The wife of a British MP broke into the house of her husband's lover a few weeks ago and stole a kitten "worth £20" (surely more!) Christine Hemming, wife of Liberal Democrat MP John Hemming, burgled the home of Emily Cox, who had a child by Hemming in 2005, on September 29 and snatched Cox's tabby kitten Beauty, pictured.