Posts Tagged: relationships
3

Ask Baba Yaga: I've Been Single for 9 Years & I Feel Like I'm Missing All the Boats

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Rom-Com Relationship Therapy

Any woman who’s ever fought with a guy after the kind of movie where Katherine Heigl finds love may be shocked by the findings of a new study. A report published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that watching a romantic film with your spouse and discussing it afterwards lowers your likelihood of divorce as much as going through couples therapy does. Researchers analyzed 174 newlywed couples who either went through therapy or merely watched and discussed romantic movies, and after three years, both groups had equal divorce rates. Here’s a transcript from one couple, who watched the romantic movie “Her,” about a mustached man named [...]

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Befriending Your Best Friend's Girlfriend and Resisting the "One True Sex Act"

I'm polyamorous, and live with my partner, and have a long distance relationship with someone I love dearly. I've been with my partner for almost three years, and we are in a very solid, happy place. My long-distance sweetie and I have had an intense Thing happening since this past April—so about five months, all of it online (we lived in the same town years ago, but have lived in different parts of the country for the last few years.)

Until this week, my sweetie had a primary relationship of their own. The breakup is, well, a breakup—messy, drama-ful, and rife with the mind-boggling emotional calculus of "had I only brought in [...]

24

Louis Calls His Girlfriend

Fern’s phone rang while she was in line for the fitting room at Zara. She fumbled the stack of dresses on her arm, dropping one of them as she reached for her cell phone, which was nestled in a gummy pile of nickels at the bottom of her purse. It was Louis.

“Hey,” she said, her phone pinched between ear and shoulder. She tried to flip the dresses back up with her foot, but her heel got caught on the hanger and she tripped. Fuck. She stared at the boot print on the white flowered fabric.

“It’s time we had the talk,” Louis said.

“What?” Fern said, stepping neatly [...]

2

"Today, female infidelity is the biggest challenge to the male-dominated status quo"

This conversation between Hanna Rosin and therapist Esther Perel (who "accepts only patients who are involved in affairs, and the vast majority of them, she says, are 'content' in their marriages") is fascinating. "Very often we don’t go elsewhere because we are looking for another person," says Perel. "We go elsewhere because we are looking for another self. It isn’t so much that we want to leave the person we are with as we want to leave the person we have become."

Other tidbits: "In America, lying can never be an act of caring"; "Female infidelity is the biggest challenge to the male-dominated status quo"; "Therapists are the worst!"; "For me, [...]

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Ask Baba Yaga: I Know I'm Lashing Out and I Can't Stop, It Feels Too Good

Transcript after the jump.

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Maria Bello: "My feelings about attachment and partnership have always been that they are fluid and evolving"

And I have never understood the distinction of “primary” partner. Does that imply we have secondary and tertiary partners, too? Can my primary partner be my sister or child or best friend, or does it have to be someone I am having sex with? I have two friends who are sisters who have lived together for 15 years and raised a daughter. Are they not partners because they don’t have sex? And many married couples I know haven’t had sex for years. Are they any less partners?

Maria Bello for all the marbles! "I would like to consider myself a 'whatever,'" she writes at the end of this Modern Love [...]

45

Someone Explain Dating to Me

Sometimes I think it's hard being in a long-term relationship because I don't know what "swipe left" jokes are supposed to mean, but then I remember about stories like this.

What I don't understand about these stories is that I know I've been on very few dates, none of them with strangers, but I interact with men every day! I have male friends and acquaintances, male classmates and coworkers and relatives. Some of them are weird or mean or dumb, but none of them seem to act like they were raised by a random assortment of YouTube videos in a tent in someone's backyard. Some of my interactions with [...]

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The Virtual Breakup Trail

Our social media trails are an incredibly intimate digital diary that we allow the entire world to click through. So it’s not surprising that for many of us dating has become performance art, and both our closest friends and our most casual acquaintances have a front row seat. This is particularly true for millennials like me who’ve grown up with the idea of having an audience of friends and supporters and expecting instant and constant feedback — whether it’s coming from our mother or a person we once knew at summer camp. It’s part of our DNA. But it’s hard not to wonder whether that craving for approval from [...]

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How I Found Out I Didn't Have the Herpes I'd Been Living With for Four Years

This story is an update to this story, published here in April 2012.

Six months ago, I sat waiting in my gynecologist’s exam room chair, fully clothed and wishing I were anywhere else. At that particular moment, I’d even have preferred being naked and spread-eagled on the paper-lined bed. It’s not true what they say about the stirrups being the worst part of the ladyparts exam room: it’s the chair. Once you’re clothed and in the chair, it means you’re there to talk.

You never forget your first time debriefing with your gynecologist. Mine was four years ago, at age 22, when I sat crumpled in a chair [...]