Posts Tagged: rankings
0

Stress Dreams, Ranked

1. Lost on the New York subway; late to meet a friend; the subway opens up inside a gym where a former co-worker is stationed behind the receptionist desk with the biggest, most sinister smile on her face.

2. Lost in an unfamiliar neighborhood of New York; pouring rain; what I thought was an umbrella turns out to be a very thick copy of Women's Health magazine, torn to shreds.

3

All The Golden Globe Dresses, Ranked

1. Oh this one is so nice.

11

Insufferable Parenthetical Asides, Ranked

52. (the saying goes)

51. (well, not strictly)

50. (incidentally)

49. (it’s in the Pacific, somewhere)

48. (which I don’t normally do)

47. (which I’ve finally perfected)

46. (humility is underrated)

45. (consequently)

44. (practically speaking)

43. (if he’d remembered)

42. (as a matter of fact)

41. (which is no excuse)

40. (when they were still of quality)

39. (or was it ramps?)

38. (or so he claims)

37. (just like 1804)

36. (though no one seems to hear me)

35. (whoever still does that)

34. (which I’ve never heard of)

33. (or so it seems)

32. (she meant well)

31. (it’s a kind of nut)

30. (it’s not her [...]

12

NFL Mascots, Ranked

28. Indianapolis Colts – Blue, a colt

27. Cleveland Browns – Chomps, a dog

26. St. Louis Rams – Rampage, a ram

25. Cincinnati Bengals – Who Dey, a bengal tiger

24. Houston Texans – Toro, a bull

23. San Diego Chargers – Boltman

22. Oakland Raiders – Raider Rusher, a humanoid

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Captain Fear, a pirate

20. Miami Dolphins – T.D , a dolphin

19. Kansas City Chiefs – K.C. Wolf, a wolf

18. Jacksonville Jaguars – Jaxson de Ville, a jaguar

17. [...]

30

A Controversial Ranking of Mr. Darcys

As an attempt to seem like a well-read young teen, I tried very hard to read Pride and Prejudice. I always failed. I found it boring and dated! I only managed to read the book in its entirety when I was twenty, the same age as Elizabeth Bennet. Fully post-pubescent, I understood why, nearly 200 years on, Mr. Darcy was still the prototype of every curly-haired romantic comedy lead. Mr. Darcy is a haughty, awkward snob, but he’s got a heart of gold and rocks a loose chemise (in my imagination) like no other.

Luckily for me, Hollywood cannot come up with fresh ideas and I get to experience [...]

10

An Unofficial Ranking of Some of the Boyz II Men Mid-Song Monologues

Boyz II Men. What can I say? For me, it started in the nineties, when Stephanie Tanner chose to fuck up her “street jazz” routine to “Motown Philly” because she didn’t want to be a professional dancer. The song and choreography had me (and most sixth grade girls I knew) hooked. Stephanie had only decided 15 minutes prior that she wanted to go pro, so it was especially crazy that 22 minutes into the episode, she had changed her mind and sabotaged her recital! FYI, this is rude, and the episode should have actually focused more on: realistic dreams and the time it takes to achieve them, and [...]

16

Rigs to Drive to High School From 1996-2000, Ranked

13.) THE FORD RANCHERO YOUR DAD BOUGHT FROM AN AD IN THE MONEYSAVER, BLUE

12.) YOUR GRANDPARENT’S OLDSMOBILE, MAROON

11.) YOUR MOM’S ASTRO VAN, GREY

12

All of Mark Ruffalo’s On-Screen Kisses, From Worst to Best

Hand up if you don’t want to bone Mark Ruffalo. Ok, go away: this is not for you. The rest of you: welcome. We are all made of stars and of the desire to tug down Mark Ruffalo’s pants. What is it about this fine three-quarters-Italian man? He is beautiful and soft, like a teddy bear you want to fuck. His film roles are made up of a) cops, b) damaged but handsome men, c) loveable rogues, and d) the Hulk. He Instagrams poetry. He calls his wife “my queen.” 80% of his movies include a scene where he removes his shirt.

On behalf [...]

31

A Definitive Ranking of Ranked Boybands and Their Members

10. All-4-One

Tony Borowiak

Jamie Jones

Alfred Nevarez

Delicious Kennedy

8

Wikipedia Lists of Women, Ranked

21. List of fictional female robots and cyborgs

20. List of female American football players

19. List of exiled and pretending Byzantine Empresses

18. List of AVN Best New Starlets

17. List of female detective characters

16. List of queens regnant

15. List of women who became pregnant over age 50

14. List of female U.S. presidential and vice-presidential candidates

13. List of fictional witches

12. List of female bass guitarists

11. List of craters on Venus

10. List of female supervillains