Posts Tagged: qream

Qreamed Quorn

There’s a blissful moment that I hope you all get the chance to experience. The bliss, that is, and not what leads up to it. It’s a moment when you’ve just dragged your trash out into the hallway, and your kitchen smells like hot Berry Kix, and your stomach is starting to settle again, when you see that bottle of Qream on your counter and think “I’m done.” That your work, whatever its legacy or reception will be, is finished.

But first, to the beginning.

“Anyway GOOD MORNING!” ended the email I got from Edith at 7 a.m. on a recent Monday, in which she alerted me to the existence [...]


The Life Cycle of a Liquor Promotion

1. Display the new liqueur in a strategic area at the holiday trade show. Pour freely.


Hot Qream in the Summer Sun

Qream finally has a qommercial, and it looqs disqusting! But: "Guy in a pink floatie noodle drinking strawberry Qream from the bottle is my new hero," says Qreamaster cyclist Jaya Saxena, and, as usual, she's qompletely right.


Qream's Sweepstaqes Qontest; Hairpin Editor Named Poet Laureate

ELLE and Qream want to give you and three friends a fancy night in New York City, and all you have to do is "like" Qream on Facebook to enter (some of us did that weeks ago). Alternately, do you want to write a limerick about Qream for no reason? (Idea half-borrowed from Vulture's haiku-ery.) Here's one:

There once was a partially lactose-free drink from Pharrell It was, quote, "made for Sarah Jessica Parker," says ELLE.* Qream is kind of like wine But also like chemical medi-cine. Enjoy it on the rocks, or never, but words with "k" sounds are fun to re-spell.

*Per the sweepstaqes' press [...]


Nightmare in Qreamland

Uh oh: AllStarHipHop got an exqlusive on the Qream-related lawsuit that Pharrell's filing against the drinq's distributor. (If you're not familiar with Qream, it's a cream-based liqueur that Pharrell qreated in 2011, and which is, in his words, "a truly elegant experience for the modern day queen and her court of friends." This site was an early supporter; here's Qream's best and seemingly only qommercial.)

Pharrell's asqing Diageo North America for $5 million in eqchange for what he sees as a failure on their part to marqet Qream as the "high-end, leisure class" drinq he'd intended it to be, and beqause a lot of the bottles were apparently [...]


Giving Thanqs

As we all are, Pharrell is thanqful this holiday season.

Update: We are playing Qream Booqs on Twitter if you care to join.


Checking Back in With Qream

What's qrappenin' with Qream? From a recent press release that's billing it as a "great fit for Valentine's Day," Qream is described as "making a name for itself as the vodka-based liqueur with a creamy-yet-light texture, comparable in calories to a serving of red wine and packaged in a designer perfume-inspired bottle influenced by Marie Antoinette." Indeed, there are few competitors in the "vodka-based liqueur with a creamy-yet-light texture that's comparable to red wine, calorie-wise, and comes in a Marie Antoinette-ish bottle" category — for now.


Easter Qoqtails

Easter's qoming up, would you perhaps want to celebrate with a Qadbury Qreamartini, which doesn't exist? But which has choqolate eggs as "olives"? Or is that too gross? Or is that not gross enough? Or is it impossible to say, because of the immutability of Qream's repulsiveness? The "olive" sqewer qould also maybe be a knitting needle. How else qould we ruin Easter? By serving this Qreamartini drinq in a ceramiq qabbage qup? (See also: "cabbage flexing its muscles.") Pouring it into plastiq Easter eggs and burying them for a thousand years?


Qrafting With Qream

So, you bought some Qream. And then you baked a bunch of stuff with it and made all your friends drink it and now you don't really have friends anymore. Instead, you have this overtly yonic, Louis Vuitton-esque bottle gathering dust on your dresser. You want to hate this bottle. You know you should, because the contents were gross and you should just recycle it and move on with a life of sampling the finer liqueurs out there. But then again, it's sorta pretty, right? It's not just like any other bottle. Maybe it would be a shame to throw it away. Maybe it's time to buy some enamel paint.

Okay, [...]


Qream Qocktail Qontest

If you ever do buy a bottle of Qream, be warned that it does not go away fast enough. It's like something out of a Goosebumps story: the bottle of rancid, liquid cotton-candy that magically refills when you're not looking! And then starts eating your pets! (Not really.) The only solution to this problem is to kill it in one night by inviting over all your friends and testing out some of the "official" Qream qocktail recipes, plus a few you make up on the spot after enough jello shots. (Sidenote: Why did I not think to ever make Qream jello shots?!) Consensus: Qream is the goddamn miracle fruit of [...]