In April of 2012, Edith published an essay I’d written, “All the Weddings I Have Ever Been to, as I Remember Them,” about, well, precisely that, here on The Hairpin. I’d written the essay the previous fall as a kind of memory exercise related to the big moments in our lives, specifically, weddings—What did I wear? Who did I bring? What did I give? What happened? —and also as a structural way of thinking about the many weddings we inevitably go to in life and what they mean to us depending on our different life stages and circumstances. When I wrote it, I did have a foggy idea [...]
If you never went to Japan when you were seven and your mom bought something cube-shaped (a doll in a box) and had it gift wrapped at a department store, you may not have seen this. Or maybe your ancestors encountered this great art centuries ago and in your family this is the totally boring normal way to wrap presents? Either way, you have about a week to get it down pat. (Here are a bunch of other slower videos to guide you.)
Wildly Successful: A solar-powered model of the Queen who makes tiny lightbulb-unscrewing waves. Her handbag is what harnesses the solar power. You can also get the limited edition Diamond Jubilee model, if you want to make a spectacle of yourself. Get both! Make tiny weapons, pretend Past Queen is here to kill Present Queen! Don't forget the optional solar-corgi.
Less Successful: Marmite Gold
“'Our research shows that while gift-givers think they’re being more thoughtful by picking out expensive gifts, the recipients don’t appreciate the hefty price tag,' Dr. Flynn said. His experiments have shown that the price of a gift matters more to the giver than to the recipient, and that people like a surprise gift less than cash or something they picked themselves through a gift registry like Amazon’s wish list."
—Nope! Nuh uh, I object. Expensive surprise gifts all day, every day. Maybe even more than once a day? Twice a day it is! Two expensive surprise gifts per day, minimum, please. Thank you. (Also: who has an Amazon [...]
I'm 30 and live with my boyfriend of four years. We have sex a couple times a week and occasionally he will tolerate a few minutes of cuddling, but otherwise we touch minimally. This seems like a trivial thing to whine about, but I really miss making out. I think physical contact is an important way to feel bonded with somebody. I might be fine with the companionship dynamic if we were perhaps in our 60s, but at this point it mostly serves to make me feel lonely and subtly rejected (I try to kiss him on occasion, but he generally grimaces and turns away). We've discussed this multiple times and my boyfriend grasps that it's an issue for [...]
Ayo, Kool A.D. from Das Racist just released a new mix tape that has "wine" in the title and you can have it for free right now. Happy New Year! Things were looking a little meh? for 2012, but it's gonna be okay now. He's got your slow raps, fast raps, make out jams we recently missed, a refit of "SpottieOttieDopaliscious" to open, weirdo jams, and enough booty references. In case you're not up on Das Racist, you're dead and you should call an ambulance, err, I mean someone should call you an ambulance? But if the reason is something other than you're dead, get to know [...]
For the week between Christmas and New Year's, we'll be running increasingly less seasonally appropriate installations of Personal Bests.
I was bad at being a little girl. My Cabbage Patch Doll — named Brandy, or was it the more stripperish Brandee, or even Brandi? — failed to turn my head, even when my mother painted a miniature dresser to store Brandy's green corduroy jumper and maroon-checked blouse. (My brother Mike, insightful even as a textbook teen, asked Mom if the doll and the dresser were for me, or for her.)
Instead, what made the Wonder of ChristmasTM a reality for little me, a gift I still remember with a [...]