As part of our ongoing series of conversations with animals on policy and population control issues, we recently sat down with Cobbler, a turkey pardoned by President Obama today.
Us: Happy Thanksgiving, Cobbler!
Cobbler: This is a farce. Just call me "Cargill."
Us: Okay, Cargill. Would you like to expand on that?
Cargill: It's interesting that you've opted to use that particular verb. "Expand." Do you know how much I weigh?
Us: I was pretty much raised not to ask that question of anyone who isn't an infant.
Cargill: I weigh forty pounds. I am nineteen weeks old, and I weigh forty pounds.
Us: No, that does [...]
What are your voting plans today? Voting open thread? Here's a guide to finding out where to vote, if you don't already know. And here's another, and another for if you've forgotten where you're registered to vote! And here's a list of things to do in addition to voting. But definitely vote. Vote vote vote. Word starting to sound strange and maybe a little mysterious now. How she truly voted we might never know.
Elsewhere: "a brief history of presidents and their preferred libations."