I consider myself fairly crunchy on the “granola” spectrum. I homebrew kombucha, take a lax view toward showers and shampoo, and, yes, bake my own granola. So when I started hearing buzz about menstrual cups – much of the buzz from Hairpinners themselves! – it sounded way up my alley.
(Yes, that is a portent of things to come.)
I am pro-environment and as anti-spending money as the next twenty-something grad student, so I researched the heck out of those little guys. The number of review websites alone will boggle the mind. As usual, though I am totally willing to try new things, and want good information first, [...]
My name is Alan. And I was catfished.
Room, in unison: Hi, Alan.
It’s taken me a long time to admit that. Every aspect of the situation is paralyzingly embarrassing, as you can imagine—even the term we now use to describe it. (Thanks, Nev!) But it happened, it happened to me, and it cut like a burn.
When it began, I was living in a hole of self-pity, depression, and a sharp, perpetual loneliness. I was under the belief that finding a romantic partner would ease some, if not all, of these woes. I was also under the impression that absurd amounts of alcohol would smooth my days and calm [...]
I was a pretty late bloomer when it came to boys. Most girls in my hometown started holding hands in third or fourth grade, kissing in fifth or sixth, dry humping—as teens are wont to do—by eighth. But, because it was a small town, most of the kids with whom you attended kindergarten ended up right alongside you as you graduated, and if you’d forged an elementary school reputation as chubby and unlikeable, it was pretty hard to shake.
I ended up getting my first kiss at 15, when I went to visit a friend in rural Maine and got to be the exciting new girl for [...]
In the fall of 1997 I arrived to New York University as a college freshman with two priorities. The first: to waste my parents’ money on a theater education. The second: to get drunk.
I accomplished both my goals, although in different ways and for different lengths of time. Which is to say: I wasted that money over the span of four years, but got drunk only once.
•••I never had an alcoholic drink all throughout high school, and that was owed to both (a) a lack of social invitations, and (b) a fear of projectile vomit. While there was an extent to which this disappointed me about myself, there [...]
Best Thing I Transported in a Suitcase This Year: 10 lbs of frozen halibut
Best Thing I Transported in the Back Seat of My Car This Year: One large tumbleweed
Best Thing a Classic Sci-fi Actor Called Me This Year: “Ann Freedom”
Best Thing I Overheard at a Wedding This Year: "He's got moves no grandpa should have.”
Give us 6 UNIQUE FUN FACTS about yourself. Fun facts can be anything from your biggest achievements, to a special talent, to a life story. What sets you apart from every other contestant? Make yourself stand out! Start with: What game shows have you appeared on? When? How much money did you win?
I have never appeared on a game show. Frankly, I've never really thought about appearing on a game show. Sure, I've mentally spent the jackpot prizes I've seen on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? and set a personal limit for taking the deal on Deal or No Deal?—as soon as it hit six figures, I'd be [...]
The Best Time I Said Yes to Everything for a Week and Ended Up Having Bad Sex (Twice), Going Camping and Contracting Shingles
"You know, I’m just really coming from a place of yes,” I confessed out loud to the table, knowing exactly how I sounded, and also that no one would blink in this group of Los Angeles girls who all seemed to be successful in a certain way: the way where jobs were creative, everyone seemed to have free time (the most creative job is no job), and somehow still have money for cheese plates, cigarettes and lots of daytime rosé.
I had moved back to LA after being in Santa Barbara for five years, and I was trying to reestablish a life for myself. I’d never been any good at [...]
I don’t care much about teeth. My first legitimate girlfriend had braces. She was 27; I was 21. You couldn’t feel them, if you know what I mean, you just saw them once in a while and remembered, oh yeah, you have braces, that’s kinda weird.
I don’t have the best teeth in the world. I have a gap between my front two, and while I’ve never liked it I also don’t obsess over it anymore. I’ve gotten used to it. I like faces with character, and having imperfect teeth can be a sign of good character, or so I tell myself.
My second legitimate girlfriend had imperfect teeth, too. [...]
This is the fifth and maybe final installment in a series about summer camp.
As a youth, my mom had gone to canoeing camp in the wilds of Canada, where she lived in an actual tent and bathed in a lake and would gleefully embark on 10-day-long backpacking trips. Her first week at canoeing camp, the counselors and long-time campers all conspired to play a prank on her, which was that they told her that her mom was calling. After watching her sprint to the main lodge, everyone chortled with delight: there was no telephone at canoe camp. Ha-ha!
When my twin sister and I were 11, our parents informed [...]