Posts Tagged: music festivals
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A Men's Fashion Guide to Music Festivals

–Instead of the popular ladies' flower crown, wear an actual crown of thorns. Fit it so that it punctures your forehead flesh just enough. If blood gets in your eyes a little bit but you don’t feel that lightheaded, you’re doing it right.

–Pull your jean shorts up as high above your belly button as they will possibly go. Stuff your stomach meat into the shorts (must be denim) and button them NO MATTER WHAT. Button every button. If you pinch some skin with a button, leave it! You will get used to the pain and the skin clumps will eventually fall off, sort of like your umbilical cord. Patch [...]

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The Definitive Guide to Attending This Summer's Music Festivals

COACHELLA

Buy a plane ticket to Los Angeles. Rent a car from the Enterprise booth at LAX. Make sure it's a truck of some sort—an SUV should be fine—and request air conditioning and a CD player. Demand that the woman at the booth read the first three pages of the introduction to the Penguin Classics edition of Saint Augustine's Confessions aloud to you, right now.

"Why?" she'll ask. "I should get security—"

"Forget it," you'll say. Get the keys and haul ass to Tijuana. You are not fucking going to Coachella.

 

GOVERNOR'S BALL

Find a cool, carpeted spot at the Brooklyn Library on Grand Army Plaza, preferably near an [...]