Posts Tagged: movies

Film Programming for the Bedroom

Winter is coming, which means that streaming and/or snuggling season is upon us, which means that you too can use movie nights to get laid. Here, a short list of films to watch and cinematically-appropriate sex pairings, offered in reverse chronological order, so you can enjoy film sex like a fine wine that gets kinkier with age.

Holy Motors (2012): Gremlin noises, costume changes, lots of biting.

Shame (2011): Masturbation, desperation, fenestration sex.

Fish Tank (2009): It is not my fault that Netflix carries all of Michael Fassbender's guilt-sex oeuvre. The evening's accoutrements: Cockney accents, dancing in track suits, underage drunk sex you [...]


Who's the Squarest-Jawed of Them All?

Is this so bad? The general consensus seems to be that this seems to be that this is really, really bad:

Ben Affleck is Batman.

The actor will replace Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne in the upcoming untitled Batman-Superman feature for Warner Bros., the studio announced Thursday.

Affleck becomes the eighth actor to play the Caped Crusader, following [Christian] Bale, George Clooney, and Michael Keaton.

Aside from the perhaps more surprising information that there will be a Superman-Batman combination movie, which seems excessive, I'm curious: who would we prefer, really? Is the answer really "anyone but Affleck"? Would Gosling nail this?


Scandals of Classic Hollywood: The Ecstasy of Hedy Lamarr

The first time audiences saw Hedy Lamarr, she was running naked through a field. The second time they saw her, she was in the throes of a very animated orgasm. The next time she appeared on screen—more than five years later—she’d have a new name, a new language, and a new image, but the effect was the same: just the sight of her was enough to stop Hollywood, and audiences across America, in their tracks.

But a new name wasn’t enough to distance Hedy Lamarr from her past as the “Ecstasy Girl,” the star of the so-called “art film” that scandalized all of Europe, and received special denunciation by the [...]


Gaby Hoffmann's Crystal Fairy

Gaby Hoffmann, who you will remember dearly from movies like Sleepless in Seattle, Field of Dreams and, of course, Now & Then, is starring in a new movie alongside Michael Cera. It's called Crystal Fairy, and it's about a group effort to track down the hallucinogenic product in Chile's San Pedro cactus. Hoffmann plays that girl who was always spinning in circles on your college quad (or some version of her). She's also due for a turn in Girls next season.

Add all this together and you get a New York Times Magazine profile, naturally—one that's about as nostalgic for the Manhattan of Hoffmann's youth (she grew up [...]


"The digital porn guy wants a fantasy that doesn’t exist, but the postfeminist girl wants one as well"

Our dearest Anne Helen Petersen has a great post up at her blog on Don Jon and the "digital porn dystopia," a smart counterpart to the idea of "postfeminist dystopia" that she's written about both here and elsewhere. About the double bind that both Scarlett Johansson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character find themselves in:

Her pleasure is faked; his pleasure is never what he wants it to be. Lose, lose.

Jon tries to quit porn, but soon discovers that porn surrounds him: the objectified, fetishized female body has become so normalized that even women’s magazines, exercise videos, and fast-food restaurants use it to sell [...]


Elysium Is a Great Movie If You Imagine a Golden Retriever Directed It

Warning: slight spoilers.

Here is my experience of watching Elysium from its optimistic first moments through a sinking feeling that maybe this was not such a good movie to the sad realization that the film may have in fact have been written and directed by a golden retriever. 

1. Oh, this is nice. It’s dark! Oh, good! It’s nice and cool in here! I like Matt Damon. We are the same age. It makes me feel good to look at him! Ok, it’s Earth in the future, and it’s a shithole. Great slum shots. Neat, they CGIed some slums onto bombed-out skyscrapers. That looks cool. Wait. Matt [...]


Siri, Direct Me to Joaquin Phoenix's Heart

1. This is the trailer for Her, Spike Jonze's latest, in which a recently heartbroken Joaquin Phoenix falls for his computer operating system, voiced by Scarlett Johansson.

2. This is the trailer for Her, Spike Jonze's latest, in which a recently heartbroken Joaquin Phoenix falls for his computer, voiced by Scarlett Johansson.

3. This is the trailer for Her, Spike Jonze's latest, in which a recently heartbroken Joaquin Phoenix falls for a computer, voiced by Scarlett Johansson.

4. This is the trailer for Her, Spike Jonze's latest, in which a recently heartbroken Joaquin Phoenix falls for a computer.


7 Classic Film Heroines Who Suck at Personal Safety

Hollywood has given us many strong, smart, heroic female characters. But for every Grace Kelly in High Noon, gunning down one of her husband's enemies and gouging out another's eye with her thumb, we're afflicted with a real dud of a heroine—one who seems to willfully put herself in harm's way. Here are seven female characters who set terrible examples of personal safety. And while we would never presume to tell a real woman who has suffered violence what she did "wrong," we do have some advice for today's screenwriters and directors: Personal safety is often just common sense. Is that too much to ask for in our heroines?

1. [...]


The Abridged Mean Girls

Here is Christopher Rosa, an intern for Next Movie, reciting the entirety of the Mean Girls script in less than 30 minutes. I don't know why, either.



24 Movies That Are Also Something A Magician Might Say

1. Step Up

2. Boys and Girls

3. Choose

4. Don’t Say A Word

5. What’s Your Number?

6. The Number 23

7. Hocus Pocus

8. Kazaam

9. 17 Again

10. Bingo

11. Next

12. Trick