Posts Tagged: monogamy

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Second Wedding

Three weeks ago, two days after our wedding, my new husband Paul and I borrowed a car and drove into the Colorado Rocky Mountains. Our shared future rolled out before us, as epic and seismic as the landscape. We nestled ourselves on the bank of Boulder Creek, intoxicated with the charged intimacy of being newlyweds on a mountainside soaked with sun, and I simultaneously tried to luxuriate in this awareness of love and also shake off my awareness of the history that preceded it.

I’m newly, and ecstatically, wed to Paul, but I’m not new to being wed. When I was twenty-five, I married my college boyfriend. The wedding was [...]


On Monogamishy

Around the time I was contemplating getting divorced, it just so happened I had to spend some alone time on tour with… Dan Savage. YIKES! (Actually, it was awesome getting to know him but even awesomer getting to know his husband. Like, I wish his husband was my husband! Argh.) Anyway, this was a tough time for me  and more than once he told me, point blank to my sad, sad face, that I just needed to get over monogamy. What I really needed, it turns out, and what was actually possible and pretty easy to do was get divorced! Problem solved. Point being, dude feels strongly about this and [...]


College Kids Are Just as Bad as Everyone Else

"A new study of 434 young heterosexual couples ages 18-25 found that, in 40 percent of couples, only one partner says the couple agreed to be sexually exclusive. The other partner said there was no agreement. … [And] even among those who agreed they had an explicit agreement to be monogamous, almost 30 percent had broken the agreement, with at least one partner having had sex outside the relationship." —Young people are now too stupid to talk to each other or mean what they say, and they are also very sad and stressed out.

Update: Apparently this study is flawed, since all the couples [...]


Second Favorites, Gold Stars, and Sex Not Had

1. I’m in a long-term, and very serious, relationship with the nicest, best guy in the world. I am a very sexual, and very queer, chick. I am totally in love with this dude; we talk about babies, our dreams, a house — the total hetero package. I do, however (and very sadly!) really … REALLY … miss sex with women. I knew I was bi/queer from a very young age, and made out with some girls and dated a lady semi-long-term, but don’t have a lot of experience (not that I have an insane amount with men either). When I met this guy about two years ago, I [...]


Marriage, Monogamy, and Dan Savage

Treating monogamy, rather than honesty or joy or humor, as the main indicator of a successful marriage gives people unrealistic expectations of themselves and their partners. And that, Savage says, destroys more families than it saves. […]

"The mistake that straight people made,” Savage told me, “was imposing the monogamous expectation on men. Men were never expected to be monogamous. Men had concubines, mistresses and access to prostitutes, until everybody decided marriage had to be egalitar­ian and fairsey." In the feminist revolution, rather than extending to women “the same latitude and license and pressure-release valve that men had always enjoyed,” we extended to men the confines women had always [...]


Centuries of Human Experience Suggest Drinking to Be More Fun Than Sex

"Historically, we find a correlation between the shift from polygyny to monogamy and the growth of alcohol consumption. Cross-culturally we also find that monogamous societies consume more alcohol than polygynous societies in the preindustrial world." —Those who drink together stay together! Remember that. [Via]


Ask a Non-Monogamous Couple

What's the payoff to avoiding monogamy?

A NON-MONOGAMOUS LADY: Why don't we start by casting our minds far, far back to the world of monogamy?


ANML: Flashback!

ANMD: Wavy lines!

ANML: Why didn’t monogamy work for you?

ANMD: I liked monogamy! In retrospect, it’s comforting in that it is possible to not discuss a lot of complicated feelings about your relationship, and you can enjoy a comfortable, loving union whilst minimizing territorialness and jealousy.

ANML: "Comfortable" being the operative word.

ANMD: Yes. It's comfortable. Unfortunately, in my experience, comfortableness often becomes complacency. And as the relationship persists, it becomes unhappier by barely perceptible [...]


Experimentation, Divorce, and "Dealing With My Demons"

OK, so I am engaged. And to the best, most incredible man I've ever met. He's strong, sexy, sweet, considerate, hilarious, everything a girl could ask for — not to mention that sex with him is OUT OF THIS WORLD INSANELY AMAZING. We are ridiculously in love, hence the engagement. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

Here's the kicker: I like girls. I have never had a sexual experience with a girl other than drunken making-out, but sexy, beautiful women do turn me on. I have a deep-rooted fantasy of having sex with a girl. It's just something about my sexuality that [...]