Posts Tagged: monday
19

The Third Fortunate Cookie

156

Hair Day

This past weekend I was sick. Really sick. Like head-on-the-bathroom-tiles, wish-I-was-dead-because-dead-people-can’t-puke sick. So Monday morning, when I finally felt better enough to not cry at the concept of eating a water cracker, I decided to perk myself up and beautify.

Luckily (although later it would turn out to be UNLUCKILY, like cursed-for-100 years-after-breaking-77-mirrors-and-crossing-paths-with-1,000-black-cats-while-walking-under-endless-ladders unluckily), I had purchased a product that promised a “perfect blow dry." The vials of “Garnier Fructis Style Sleek & Shine Blow Dry Perfector” were sitting on my shelf.

I wish I had left them there. Instead, I put on the plastic gloves, which really should have been the first red flag — what kind of hair [...]

7

Three Alternative Poems For Your Morning Commute

Greetings!  Commuter!

Wherefore art thou awash

with the sticky salve of sadness?

Is it because of Brenda?

And what she said at the company-wide

lunchtime seminar yesterday?

You know what?

Brenda needs to learn to shut her mouth.

 

•••