This past weekend I was sick. Really sick. Like head-on-the-bathroom-tiles, wish-I-was-dead-because-dead-people-can’t-puke sick. So Monday morning, when I finally felt better enough to not cry at the concept of eating a water cracker, I decided to perk myself up and beautify.
Luckily (although later it would turn out to be UNLUCKILY, like cursed-for-100 years-after-breaking-77-mirrors-and-crossing-paths-with-1,000-black-cats-while-walking-under-endless-ladders unluckily), I had purchased a product that promised a “perfect blow dry." The vials of “Garnier Fructis Style Sleek & Shine Blow Dry Perfector” were sitting on my shelf.
I wish I had left them there. Instead, I put on the plastic gloves, which really should have been the first red flag — what kind of hair [...]